Season X: Seasons Greetings
by NMI123
Summary: December 1999 - Steve and Laura celebrate their first holiday season as a married couple. When an unexpected guest arrives just before Christmas, after ending up on the naughty list, it starts to look like he'll ruin all the festivities. Will the Urkels and the Winslows remember what's important this holiday season?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Based on the requests for some holiday episodes, I'm playing with my publishing order again. We left off in August of 1999, and I still have several stories to tell as they head back to school for their final year in undergrad, celebrate a couple of birthdays, and continue to settle into their roles as a married couple and members of two very different families, but I'm skipping ahead for a taste of the holidays. This episode will be published in several chapters, but it will include their first Christmas as a married couple and usher them into the year 2000. Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing. Your kind words are greatly appreciated. That really does inspire me to write (and actually bother to publish) more**. **Happy holidays!**

One cold, December morning, Laura and Steve were still in bed, cuddled close. "We have to get out of bed eventually, Steve," Laura complained, not moving an inch away from him.

"It's Saturday," he reminded her. "We don't have to go anywhere."

"We haven't finished our Christmas shopping," she noted. "I have to go to the mall."

"No, you don't," he said.

"Steve, Christmas is less than a week away," she said, lifting her head up to look at him. "I haven't even found anything for you, yet," she frowned apologetically.

"You don't have to get me anything," he said sincerely. "Being your husband is gift enough."

Laura rolled her eyes. "That's not how this works, Steve."

"Could be," he argued.

"Did you buy anything for me yet?" she asked.

"Yes," he admitted with a sly smile.

Laura giggled at his expression. "Then I'm buying you something," she insisted. "I just don't know what. It's our first Christmas together. I want it to be special."

"It's our second Christmas together," he corrected.

"No, it's our second Christmas as a couple, but we weren't together last year. You were in Houston," she complained.

"It still counts!" he argued. "Face it, Baby. You're two Christmases into being in love with an Urkel!"

Laura smiled. "I don't know about that. I had some pretty strong feelings for you the year before that, too."

"Oh, really?" he purred.

"Yes, really. I wish you had broken out the mistletoe that year and given me an excuse to lay one on those big, soft lips," she purred.

"Me, too, now that you mention it!" he cried in frustration.

Laura smiled. "Well, you're more than making up for it this year," she laughed, pointing at the mistletoe above their heads.

Steve looked up at it and smiled. He rolled her off of him and climbed on top of her again. "You're sure doing more than kissing me under it," he teased. He began to kiss her neck, and her arms wrapped around his strong back.

"Steve," she warned, "we've already made love twice this morning. Are you sure you're up for Round 3?"

He grabbed her hand and moved it down to his member. "What do you think?" he growled as her hand wrapped around it.

"Oooooo," she purred. "I guess you are." She stroked up and down as they began to kiss more passionately.

** .Knock.**

Laura pulled her hand away from him and pushed him up a few inches. "Who's that?" she asked.

"I don't know," he admitted, "and, Baby, right now, I just don't care."

Laura smiled at him sympathetically. "We have to get the door, Steve," she pressed.

"You always say that, and it's always something that postpones our… alone time," he complained.

"Because it's always important!" she argued.

He took a deep breath and sighed. He rolled off of her and stood. He slipped his boxers on. Laura moved to climb out of bed, and he pressed a hand firmly to her stomach. "Uh-uh. You're staying right here," he ordered. "I'll take care of it, and then I'll start breakfast."

"No," she whined, "come right back here. You got me all excited again."

** . .**

Steve glared toward their front door and turned back to Laura. He smiled down at her. "Ok, my sweet. I'll come right back here and take care of all those tingles in your tummy," he promised.

"Yes, please," she pouted.

He leaned down and kissed her. "I'll be right back, my love," he whispered. He turned from the bed, and she pinched his butt. "OooooOOOooooOOOoooo!" he jumped excitedly.

"Hurry up," she teased.

"Yes, Ma'am!" he said, grabbing his robe. He tied it as he walked out toward the door. Just before he opened it, he realized that his member was trying to greet their guest first. He tucked it in his waistband, forgetting to look through the peephole, and opened the door. His eyes widened, and he immediately tried to slam it, but a strong hand came up to grab it, pushing back forcefully and knocking Steve completely out of the way.

"Hey, Cuz," OGD grinned as he walked in. He looked around the apartment and was immediately impressed. "Damn, Boy, you doin' ok, ain't you?"

"How'd you find me?" Steve asked, without even so much as a greeting.

"I went to the Winslows' crib, and 3J told me you moved out. He gave me your address, but he did _not_ tell me you livin' like this."

"It's a tiny apartment in downtown Chicago," Steve said dismissively. "I'm not exactly rollin' in dough, and frankly, I've got better uses for it now than helping you out of every little snafu, so if you're here for money, you can just head on back to Detroit."

OGD grinned. "I ain't here for money. The last time your man, Carl, got me out of a jam with Fresh Squeeze was the last time I went to a loan shark."

"Oh," Steve said flatly. "Well, you can still just go," he said, pointing at the door.

OGD sat on the couch and put his feet up on the table. Steve pulled the coffee table a foot further away, causing his feet to land hard on the ground. OGD rolled his eyes. "Look, man, I'm just lookin' for a place to crash for the holidays. I hooked up with this girl, and then I hooked up with her sister, and now… they're both tryna kill me," he explained.

Steve cringed. "Sounds like you deserve it. Go home!"

"Hey there, stranger!" Laura said, coming out of the bedroom and rounding the corner. "I thought I heard a familiar voice!"

Steve turned to assure she was at least clothed now. She was, though Steve was disappointed to see that she looked incredibly sexy. Her jeans were tight, as was her low-cut sweater. She had somehow found time to do her makeup, and her hair looked just the appropriate amount of messy. That girl worked fast.

OGD stood. "Mm… Mm… Mmmmm… Laura Winslow," he grinned. "Girl, you look finer every time I see you." He opened his arms. "Do I get a welcome back to Chi-Town hug?" he purred.

Laura moved closer to him, but Steve grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back into his arms. "NO!" he barked.

Laura turned to glare at him. "Steve Urkel, that really isn't up to you," she reminded him.

He frowned gently at her and released her. He stared daggers at his cousin as he opened his arms again. Laura hugged him in a quick, friendly, and familial way, but to Steve, it looked like she was giving him a lap dance. Laura smiled as she pulled away. "So what are you doin' in town?" she asked. They sat beside each other on the couch while Steve continued to stand and snarl.

"Dodgin' some honeys," he admitted.

Laura rolled her eyes. "That does not surprise me, and I'm sure you've got it comin'," she glared.

"I do," he agreed. He grinned at her, "So, Baby, what are you doin' at Steve Urkel's apartment on a Saturday afternoon? Aren't their men lined up around the block waitin' to take you out?"

Laura's brow furrowed. Steve's eyes widened as he realized he was about to be busted. He went immediately to the kitchen to start brunch. "What do you mean 'Steve's apartment'? I live here," she said in confusion.

"Fo' real?" he asked. "You're Steve's roomie? Damn, the brother I split the rent with back in Detroit doesn't look anything like you. He's like 38 and looks like God left the iron on his face for too long."

Laura was just getting more confused. "Well, um… Hopefully, your wife won't look like that."

"My wife?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow at her. "Baby Girl, you sexy as hell, but you know I'm not ready to settle down yet. A playa's gotta play. You know what I'm sayin'?"

As much as Laura would have normally been annoyed by that comment, she was having too much trouble following the conversation to react to it. "I'm sorry. Do you not know Steve and I are married?"

OGD's jaw dropped, then his face froze, and finally, he started to laugh. "Good one," he laughed harder. "You almost had me there for a minute."

"I'm serious," Laura said, showing him her left hand.

OGD grabbed her hand and brought it closer to his face. "You married Steve Urkel?" he asked in horror.

Laura leaned behind her and grabbed a wedding picture sitting on the end table. She handed it to him. He looked down at the picture of Laura in her beautiful, white gown, wrapped in Steve's arms, smiling brightly as he kissed her cheek.

"You married Steve Urkel," he repeated in shock.

"Did you not get your invitation?" she asked.

OGD looked up at her. "Nah," he said. "Pretty sure I would've remembered that."

"We must've had the wrong address, Sweetums," Steve suggested a little too loudly from the kitchen. Laura stood and walked into the office. She pulled out her wedding planning binder and brought it back to the living room. Steve recognized the binder and nearly had a heart attack. She still had that? Why was his wife so organized?!

Laura flipped to the addresses. "Is this right?" she asked, showing it to him.

"Yeah," he said, "but you didn't have to call me Cornelius."

Laura smiled slyly at him, and then turned back to Steve. "Oh, my God. That is so weird, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yup. Super weird. Très weird. Weird. Weird. Weird," he said, whisking eggs at such an alarming rate that half of the yolk was now on the ground.

Laura noticed his nervousness and ran her tongue over her teeth. She pursed her lips. Maybe it wasn't so weird. "Must've gotten lost in the mail, huh?" she proposed, standing and walking toward Steve menacingly.

"Must've," he squeaked.

"Because you were in charge of dropping the invites off at the post office, which I'm sure you did very carefully."

"Yes. Very, very carefully," he agreed, still whisking maniacally.

"And since all the rest of our guests RSVPed, we know that you did your job perfectly. It must've been the post office who misplaced that _one_ invitation that you and I argued about for weeks beforehand."

"Can't trust the post office," he nodded. "Dogs don't like mailmen, and dogs always know, so… Heh."

"Steve, just a little reminder…" she warned. "I'm your wife, and you don't lie to your wife, right?"

"Right," he squeaked.

"So, if you have something you want to tell me, you better do it now before I have to call you out on it. Believe me, you don't want to see what happens when you get caught in a lie with me."

"What happens?" he asked nervously.

"Well, the first of many punishments would be that mistletoe comin' down," she threatened.

"I threw out his invitation!" he yelled immediately.

"I knew it!" Laura shouted, pointing at him accusingly. "He's your cousin, Steve! And you agreed to invite him! How could you lie to me like that?" she demanded.

"I didn't want to invite him, Laura!" Steve yelled.

"He's a good guy! He's a little rough around the edges, but he's a good guy!"

"He hit on you!"

"Everybody hits on me!" she cried.

"Yo, Laura," OGD said, standing from the couch. "Don't worry about it, Baby. It's no big deal."

"Don't call her 'Baby'!" Steve barked, pointing his whisk at him as he approached the kitchen. "She's not your baby! She's my baby!"

OGD wiped the egg that splattered on his face. "Relax, Cuz," he said, putting his hands up. "You put a ring on it. Game over. I get it."

"Oh, like you have any respect for anyone being faithful to anybody!" Steve growled. "Why don't you tell Laura why you're 'dodgin' those honeys'?" he suggested.

Laura looked at him suspiciously. "Yeah, what did you do?"

"I slept with her sister," he admitted, looking away from her.

"Ew, OGD… C'mon," she cringed, folding her arms over her chest.

"Anyway, Laura," Steve said pointedly. "This _cad_ can't be trusted. That's why I didn't want to invite him to the wedding, and that's why I don't want him staying here now! Get out," Steve barked, proud of the fact that he finally had a little ownership of something, even if they were just renting an apartment, he didn't have to have anybody in his home that he didn't welcome.

Except, it wasn't just his home. "Steve," Laura said in exasperation, "he's family, and he's not goin' anywhere."

He looked back at her. "Laura, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to put my foot down."

OGD cringed and stepped back. This was not going to go well for his cousin, and he was amazed Steve couldn't see the cliff he'd just walked off of.

Laura turned her head to the side for a moment and scoffed. She looked back up at him and raised her eyebrows, puckering her lips into a position that was clearly not meant for a kiss. "You're puttin' your foot down?" she repeated.

"Yes," Steve said, feigning confidence as he began to read her threatening reaction. "I'm your husband, and I-I know that this is your apartment, too, but in order for it to be your apartment, _too_, it has to be my apartment _first_," he stammered.

"Oh, boy," OGD grumbled.

"_Excuse_ me?"

"That's not what I meant," he corrected quickly.

"It better not be!"

"I just mean that I get a say here, too, and I don't want him here."

"Well, I do!"

"Well, too bad!" Steve yelled.

"Honestly, Steve, I'm one more line like that away from kicking _you_ out of the apartment."

"Fine," he said. "You don't have to!" He finally put down his bowl and his whisk. "Laura Lee," he said as he walked back toward the bedroom. Laura remained in the kitchen, glaring in his general direction. "You have a choice to make. As long as he's here," Steve said, coming out of the bedroom fully dressed, "I won't be." He put on his shoes and turned to her. She stared at him silently, challengingly. Steve melted slightly. Why wasn't this working? Why wasn't she groveling at his feet? He would have been by now. "Fine," he said flatly, grabbing his coat. He turned and walked out of the door.

Laura, still fuming, emptied the bowl full of eggs he had wasted and placed it aggressively into the dishwasher, leaving the whisk in the sink. She began to walk back toward the bedroom when she heard OGD's voice and remembered why they were fighting in the first place.

"So you married Steve, huh?"

She paused in her tracks. She went to respond, but realized quickly that she was in no mood for him. "I'm gonna go take a bath," she said.

"Ooo, yes, Baby. I could really use one right about now," he smiled.

"Shut up," she growled, walking away. She slammed and locked the bathroom door.


	2. Chapter 2

When Steve finally came home that night, Laura was already in bed, and there was no sign of OGD anywhere. He smiled to himself as he realized his plan had finally worked. He took off his coat and hung it up. He walked back toward the bedroom and walked in. Laura was sitting in bed reading. He watched for a moment and smiled to himself. She was so beautiful, in one of her older, less provocative nightgowns and, he assumed, nothing else. Plus, she was reading. He loved that his wife read as much as she did. It was a real turn-on to him to have a girl with brains in his bed. "Hey there, my sexy, little bookworm," he purred from the doorway.

She looked up at him, her eyes trying to burn a hole right through him. She set her book down, stared at him for a moment, turned off the lamp on her nightstand, and lay down on her side, facing the other way.

He turned on the overhead lights with the switch by the door. "Just give me a second to get ready for bed, and then we can turn the lights off and see what kinds of things go bump in the night," he purred. He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He came back out to the bedroom and stripped down to nothing. He climbed into bed with her, and she immediately rolled to her other side. He furrowed his brow, having legitimately missed all the other signs. He moved closer to her, cuddling her, but she moved further away. He moved even closer, and she moved so far he was worried she was going to fall off the edge. To test his theory, he moved close to her again, and she pulled right out of his arms and sat up.

"Go sleep on the couch," she ordered.

His heart started to pound. She had never asked him to do that before, and it was pretty clear she wasn't asking. "You mean the futon," he corrected, focusing on the semantics of the situation while he tried to wrap his mind around it.

"No, OGD's on the futon. You get the couch, unless you think he'd be willing to share," she said sarcastically.

Steve sat up. "He's still here."

"Of course," she said. "I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"Laura," he began.

"I don't want to fight about this anymore tonight. Go sleep on the couch."

"No, Laura, this is my bed that I share with my wife, and I'm not leaving it!" he insisted, taking a stand.

"Fine! Then I will," she retorted. She grabbed her pillow and the comforter and headed out toward the living room. He watched her go in shock. She'd never been that mad. This had really gotten out of hand, and he had no idea how.


	3. Chapter 3

When Steve got up Sunday morning, he had hoped he could sneak into the kitchen and make breakfast in bed for Laura, like he did every Sunday, even if she did end up eating it on the couch this week, but instead, when he got out there, he found Laura sitting on the couch with OGD, both of them whispering and giggling, in nothing but her nightgown. OGD wasn't even wearing a shirt! Just a pair of pajama pants that sagged well below his butt, exposing his boxers. What a way to start his morning! Steve paused in front of them and folded his arms over his chest.

"Morning, Cuz," OGD said.

"Laura," Steve said tersely, "can I please speak to you in the bedroom for a moment?"

Laura raised her eyebrows at him. "Well, I don't know. Are you going to apologize to me?"

"Laura, please," Steve barked, walking back toward the bedroom.

Laura got up and followed him. He closed and locked the door behind her as she stepped inside. She turned to him. "Well?" she asked.

Suddenly, she was silenced by his lips. He grabbed her hips firmly and held her against him. "Mmmmm," he moaned as he kissed her.

Laura pushed on his face, not quite pulling out of his arms but stopping their kiss. "What are you doing?" she asked in shock.

"Please, don't leave me, Sweetheart. Please," he begged. "I'll do anything. Please, my love. Please, Baby. I'll do anything. Absolutely anything."

"Leave you?" she repeated in disbelief. "Why would I leave you?" she asked.

"For him. Please, don't leave me for him. I love you more than him. I love you so much more. He won't treat you right, Laura," he said, breathing heavily, clearly nearing a panic attack.

"Hey," she said, softening her tone as she realized how seriously concerned he was about this. "Steve, Honey, relax. I'm not gonna leave you. We just had a little fight, Baby. It happens. We're ok," she promised. She pulled his face into her neck and stroked his back. "I love you, Steve. I love you, and you're my husband. It was just a little fight, Baby. It's ok. I'm still here. I'm not goin' anywhere." He held onto her even tighter. She imagined it was likely he was going to bruise her sides.

"I love you so much," he sniffled into her neck. "I love you so, so much. I can't live without you. I'm so sorry."

"Are you?" she asked, pulling him up to look into her eyes. "Are you really sorry, or are you just scared and groveling? Because it was just a fight, Steve, but it was a really concerning fight, and we need to have a sincere, honest conversation about it."

He hesitated. He didn't know the answer to her question.

"Baby, take a minute to calm down, and then we need to discuss this, ok?"

He nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed. She began to walk toward the door. "Where are you going?" he cried.

"I was just gonna get you a glass of water," she explained.

He shook his head. "No. Don't go. Please, don't go."

"Ok," she agreed softly. "Ok." She sat next to him on the bed. She lay back and opened her arms for him. "Come lay down with me for a minute, Honey," she instructed. He nodded and climbed readily into her arms, resting his head on her stomach and wrapping his arm around her hips. She took off his glasses and set them on the nightstand. She stroked the back of his head and sang to him softly.

"_At last, my love has come along. My lonely days are over, and life is like a song. At last, the skies above are blue. My heart was…_" Laura paused as she ran out of words.

"Wrapped up in clovers," Steve said softly.

She smiled. Her hero. "… _wrapped up in clovers the night I looked at you. I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I can call my own. I found…_" Laura hesitated again.

"A thrill."

"… _a thrill to press my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known. You smiled, you smiled, oh, and then the spell was cast, and here we are in Heaven for you are mine at last._"

"I love that song," he said.

"I know you do," she answered.

"I love you."

"I know you do. I love you, too, Steve. I am so, so mad at you, but I love you with all my heart. We'll work this out, Honey. I promise."

"I don't wanna fight again."

"Sometimes we have to fight, Baby. That's how we work things out. We've fought before, and you don't usually freak like this. What's going on this time?"

"You two were alone all day yesterday," he complained.

"Because you left," she reminded him.

"I left because you wouldn't let me kick him out," he said, lifting his head to look down at her.

"He's your family, Steve."

"Exactly. He's _my_ family. I should get to decide whether or not he's in our lives."

"But your family _is_ my family, now. I care about Cornelius," she said.

"But you should choose me! When I say it's me or him, you should choose me!" he cried, standing from the bed.

Laura sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "I knew you'd come back," she said. "I didn't choose him over you. I chose to let him stay, knowing we'd have to have this fight, but I'm willing to have this fight for him because I think this is important. Steve, if you ever really gave me that ultimatum, I would choose you, but you'd never do that. You'd never leave me over something so silly."

Steve took a deep breath and sighed. He sat beside her on the bed and took her left hand in his palm. "I would never leave you, period."

"Exactly. I didn't choose him over you, Steve. I would never do that. No one is more important to me than you," she assured him, leaning close.

"Why do you insist on him staying here?" he demanded.

"He's family."

"So? You don't insist I have a relationship with all of my family members," he said pointedly. Though he didn't name them, it was clear he meant his parents. He saw the way Laura looked at him when he mentioned he was considering calling them. He still hadn't called them since the reunion. Laura always claimed to be supportive of whatever he wanted to do, but it was clear in her face she wanted them as far out of their lives as possible.

Laura read him loud and clear. "I know," she admitted, "but some of your relatives haven't always treated you very well, Steve, and I worry about having those relatives around or you talking to them much because I've seen how it can affect you."

"You don't think having him around affects me?" he asked in disbelief.

"No, of course, it does, but, Baby, what has he ever done to you?" Laura asked.

"He hit on you!"

"Steve, the last time he was here, he didn't even know we were an item. Technically, we weren't even dating yet."

"But he knew how I felt about you!"

"Yeah, but he didn't know how I felt about you. Steve, just like everybody else in the world, he didn't think you stood a chance, so he hit on me. He didn't know any better," she argued.

Steve frowned. It was hard to blame him for not believing Steve could ever really win her over. "It's still pretty crummy to hit on the girl your cousin loves, even if he doesn't have a prayer with her."

"It's not great," she admitted, "but it's not like you guys have been close all these years. If you gave him a chance, maybe you two could really develop a relationship. You know, like you have with Myrtle."

"Has he hit on you since you told him we were married?"

Laura hesitated.

"See? I'm sorry, Laura, but I can't be friends with a relative who hits on my wife all the time."

"He doesn't mean it, though, Steve. He's just flirty."

"I'm not comfortable with that, and I don't like that you are!"

Laura frowned. "Look, Steve, he's not my favorite person. Honestly, he's not, but I think he's a good guy, deep down. You know? Deep down, he's still an Urkel," she smiled, tapping his chest to point at his heart. "I just don't want to turn him away if he's come here for help. Maybe spending the holidays with us will be good for him."

"You can't fix everybody, Laura," he said.

"Steve, it's Christmas."

Steve took a deep breath and sighed. "Fine," he said, giving in eventually. "It's Christmas. He can stay."

"Thank you," she purred, kissing his cheek.

"But he better be on his best behavior," Steve threatened.

"I'll talk to him," Laura agreed.

Steve turned to her and smiled brightly. "I'm glad that fight's behind us," he grinned.

"Ha!" Laura said. "You wish! We still have some things to discuss, Mister!"

His brow furrowed. "Like what?"

"You lied to me about the invitations. You agreed to invite him, and you threw out his invitation. That is _not_ ok, Steve."

Steve huffed and puffed for a moment but quickly realized he had no defense. "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. There's no excuse for lying to you. I still don't think he should have been invited, but I never should have lied to you."

"You really shouldn't have," she reaffirmed.

"I know, my love, and I am very sorry."

"Ok," she said softly. "I forgive you…"

He leaned closer to kiss her.

"… For that," she finished, leaning back to dodge his kiss, "but I'm not done. You put your _foot_ down?"

He swallowed hard. Did they really need to talk about that? "Uhh… Well, yeah."

"Steve Urkel, you don't get to put your foot down with me. I am not a child. You are not an authority figure. We're partners. If we have a problem, we talk it out."

"Well, yesterday, you threatened to kick me out of the apartment and tried to kick me out of bed. Are we partners, or are _you_ just in charge?" he countered.

Laura paused. He had a point. She had thrown her weight around a little the day before. "You're right," she admitted begrudgingly. "I shouldn't have said those things. I have no right to tell you to leave the apartment or our bed. If I don't want to be around you, I should be the one to leave."

"No," he said quickly. "No, I don't want you to do that. I don't like being apart at night, even when we're fighting. We need to sleep in the same bed, no matter what."

"Steve, sleeping apart from time to time is normal."

"Maybe, but it's terrifying. I never want to do that again. I didn't sleep a wink. I got up every half hour to make sure you were still on the couch."

"Where else would I have been?"

"You could have left without me knowing… or worse, you could have slipped into the office without me knowing."

She shook her head. "That's crazy, Steve."

"It's not, Laura. Even when we're fighting, I need you in my arms at night."

"But, Steve, you can't always be around me. You can't always have your arms around me. You have to trust me, and you have to prove that you trust me by giving me space when I need it like that. Sometimes, we need a little time and a little space to cool off before we can talk something out."

"No," he countered, "you need to show me that no matter what little fights we have, you're always going to come back to my bed at night. If we need to pause an argument and sleep on it, then we will, but we don't ever walk away from this relationship."

Laura took a deep breath and exhaled. That was a good counterpoint, but she honestly didn't know what the right answer was.

Steve watched her seriously for a moment, and then he saw her smile softly. "What?" he asked.

Laura's smile grew a little more evident, and she chuckled softly. "Nothing," she said. "I just… I'm just now realizing that marriage is… actually kind of hard," she laughed.

His brow furrowed, and he frowned deeply. "What do you mean?" he asked in concern.

"No, it's nothing bad," she corrected quickly. "It's just that we have fights, occasionally, just like any other couple has fights. I used to fight with boyfriends all the time. A lot more, actually, but since we're married, these little fights all have bigger implications, like where do we sleep? And I don't know the right answer, and that's just… funny to me. If you weren't my soul mate," she said, turning to him, "I don't know how we'd get past these things. Let's think on the couch thing for a while, ok?"

"Ok," he agreed softly, leaning forward to kiss her.

This time, she let his lips touch hers. She opened her mouth and began to explore his with her tongue. Before she knew it, he had knocked her back on the bed and climbed on top of her. He was hiking up her nightgown when she stopped him. "Hey, wait. We have company."

"So?" he frowned. "Laura Lee, we have to have a make-up snuggle," he whispered. "That's the best part of a big fight."

She smiled softly. "We can do that tonight," she promised.

"Laura," he whined, rubbing the smooth skin of her upper thigh. "Laura Lee, please. I need a little confidence boost, and nothing makes me feel more confident than Laura Lee Urkel _orgasming_ for me," he whispered close to her ear.

"Tonight," she promised, slipping out from under him. "Right now, I'm gonna go take a shower. Do you think you can manage to play nice with your cousin for the next half-hour?"

"No," he said, standing to join her, "so I guess I better get in the shower with you." He shrugged and began to walk back to the bathroom.

She grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back to her. "Hey, c'mon," she complained. "I've been pretty clear, Steve. We can make love tonight, but I totally ignored OGD yesterday. We need to be good hosts today, not spend all day in bed."

"You ignored him yesterday?" Steve asked in surprise.

"Yes," she said. "I took a bath to relax, but even after, I was too mad to do anything with him, so I just read all day. I invited Eddie and 3J to come over to entertain him. Tonight, we at least have to buy him dinner."

"Tonight we have dinner at your parents' house," he said, reminding her it was Sunday.

Laura shook her head. "I'll call and cancel."

"Why don't we just bring him?" Steve asked. "We brought Myrtle when she was just visiting."

"I know, but we hadn't ignored Myrtle the entire day before. Today, we'll hang out around the house, talk. Tonight, we'll go out to dinner and go out to the Sizzle Club for a while. I'll invite Eddie and Max, too."

"Laura, I have to work in the morning," he reminded her. "You may be on break, but I'm not."

"We won't stay out late," he promised. "Come on, Baby. We never go clubbing anymore."

"Sweetums, you and I never really went clubbing."

She paused and thought about it. "Oh, I guess you're right. That's an even better reason to go," she said, realizing that most of her dancing with Steve had been at the polka hall. "Don't you wanna dance with me?" she asked flirtatiously, batting her eyelashes.

"We dance here," he reminded her. "And we dance at the polka hall."

"That's not the same. I wanna really dance with you, the way I used to dance with other boys," she said, knowing that dropping that hint would get him immediately on board. She wasn't allowed to have memories with other guys that Steve didn't at least try to match.

"Fine," he said, eventually. "Go get in the shower. I'll start breakfast."

"Yay! Thank you, Baby," she smiled, kissing him again before walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

Steve walked out of the bedroom and paused when he saw OGD cuddled up under his comforter. Steve walked up to him and yanked it away. He walked back to the washing machine in the kitchen and shoved it in. He poured in detergent and started it. There was no way he was going to let the comforter that laid on his marriage bed smell like some other guy. He turned to the fridge and pulled out the eggs, finally starting breakfast.

OGD stood and walked over to the kitchen. He sat at the island. "If you got somethin' to say to me…"

Steve slammed the bowl down on the counter and glared at him. "Stay away from my wife!" he yelled.

OGD's eyes widened. "Ok, man, I get it. I'm not messin' with Laura. Relax."

"If it were up to me, you'd be out on your keister, Bucko, but Laura has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and she's insisting you spend the holidays with us."

OGD grinned. "So you lost the fight?"

"Big time," Steve frowned.

"Yo, Cuz, you don't got nothin' to worry about. Laura is _fine_, but there are other honeys in Chicago. I'm not 'bout to steal my own cousin's wife. That's just cold. Though, lez be honest, I could if I wanted to." He chuckled and struck a pose.

Steve rolled his eyes. "You are not Laura's type."

"Neither are you," he reminded him.

Steve frowned deeply. He picked up the bowl and began to whisk aggressively again. This breakfast was a long time in the making, and he decided to focus on that.


	4. Chapter 4

When Laura got out of the shower, got dressed, and finished her morning routine, she walked out to the main room to find breakfast already on the table.

"Your breakfast is served, my love," Steve purred pulling out her chair.

"Thank you, Honey," she cooed, kissing his cheek, "but I need to talk to OGD for a second first, ok?"

"About what?" Steve barked.

"Remember how we said we wanted him to be on his best behavior while he's staying with us?" she asked, knowing she was loud enough for him to hear from the couch.

"Yes."

"Well, someone has to tell him that," she said.

"Then I'll tell him!"

"Someone he might actually listen to," she countered. "Give us two minutes." She pulled away from him and turned to OGD. "Cornelius, can I talk to you in the office for a minute?"

"You mean in my bedroom?" he teased.

She glared at him. "Yes," she admitted begrudgingly.

"Sure thing, Baby," he smiled.

Laura turned to Steve as she backed up toward the office. "Give us two minutes," she repeated, shutting the door behind her before Steve could object too adamantly.

OGD sat down on the unmade futon, putting one foot on the floor and one on the bed. He patted his lap as he laid back. "Now, it may only take Steve two minutes, but I'm gonna need a little longer than that," he said.

Laura went behind the desk and sat in the chair, not wanting to be anywhere near the futon in case Steve barged in unannounced as she half expected him to. "You need to stop that," she said.

"Why?" he grinned, sitting up. "It's getting you all riled up?" he asked.

"No," she said pointedly. "You're making Steve uncomfortable."

"Steve's not in here with us. What he don't know, can't hurt him."

"But when Steve asks me what we talk about when we're alone, I don't lie to him. I know you're kidding, but he doesn't," Laura argued.

"What makes you think I'm playin'?" he asked. "If you jumped me right now, you honestly think I would stop you?"

"Yes," she said. She paused for a long moment before adding, "Probably."

He chuckled at her modifier. "I would… probably. I may not go easy on Steve, but he's a good guy. He's helped me out a few times. I wouldn't steal his lady. Though, you would be hard to resist."

Laura smiled softly, relaxing as she got her suspicion mostly confirmed. He was a good guy. He was just a flirt. "Did you tell Steve that?"

"Yes," he said, "but he didn't believe me."

"I wonder why," she said flatly, crossing her arms to glare at him.

"Girl, come on. What am I supposed to do?"

"You have to stop flirting with me," she said seriously.

"But you're so fine," he purred. "I can't control myself." He stood and walked over to the desk. He sat on the edge of it and looked her up and down, landing on her cleavage. "Steve is a lucky, lucky man."

Laura rolled her eyes. "You can't say things like that in front of him, and you can't look at me like that!" Laura tugged the neckline of her shirt higher. "Look. Cornelius, Steve is a really jealous guy, and we fight about it a lot, because I find it kind of insulting, but I can only fight him on this one for so long. You're his cousin, and you should be respectful of his marriage. End of story."

"Ok," he said, putting his hands up. "Relax, Laura. I'll play nice with Steve."

"Good, because I like you," she said, standing, "and I think you and I could really be good friends. I don't wanna have to go to the another Urkel reunion and spend the whole time talking to Aunt Oona."

"From Altoona?" he asked. "She's sweet."

"She is," Laura agreed, "but you and I have a little more in common."


	5. Chapter 5

That evening, Laura laid out an outfit for Steve on the bed and slipped into the bathroom to get ready. Steve put on the outfit and paused to look at himself in the mirror. Laura had picked out a pair of dark, tight jeans, a plum-colored dress shirt, and a dark gray blazer for him. He had to admit, he looked good. It was tight and uncomfortable, but so was just about everything Laura ever wore, so he couldn't really complain. What did bother him, however, was how much he looked like Stefan in this outfit. Was this how she always wanted him to dress? He shook that uncomfortable thought out of his mind and stepped into the living room to wait for Laura.

OGD whistled when he saw him. "Yo, Fabio!" he laughed. "I guess Mommy dressed you tonight, huh?"

Steve glared at him. "Mommy?" he growled. "You know, when I really get goin', I can make _her_ call _me_ 'Daddy'."

OGD's eyes widened at the forwardness of that remark. It was particularly unlike Steve, showing just how threatened he was feeling. OGD decided to encourage him. "All right, Playa," he said, chuckling and raising his hands in surrender. "My bad." He sat down on the couch.

"So, do we have a long wait ahead of us? How long does it take Laura to get ready?" he asked.

"A long time," Steve answered, sitting down in the armchair beside him, wiggling uncomfortably in his tight jeans.

"Women," he muttered with a shake of his head.

Steve nodded and sat in silence, tapping his foot.

"Hey, it just gives us a chance to talk, right?" OGD shrugged, trying to reach out an olive branch.

"About what?" Steve snapped.

"I don't know. How ya doin'?" he asked with a shrug.

"Well, I'm wearing uncomfortable clothes so that I can take my wife out to a dirty, loud, unsafe club with my horndog of a cousin while she and I should be having a nice dinner at her parents' and turning in early. I'm not great!"

OGD rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Man, that ain't my fault. Laura wanted to go!"

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. "You don't have any idea what Laura wants," he growled.

"I'm startin' to think you don't either," OGD replied. "She's 22 and smokin' hot. Just 'cuz she married don't mean she never wanna go out."

"We go out all the time. I take her out to dinner and shopping and to the movies and to the polka hall. I take her anywhere she wants to go!"

"Polka hall?" OGD repeated. "Boy, you trippin'. She don't wanna go there!"

"Ok, that one's for me, but the others are for her!" Steve argued.

"So why don't you wanna take her to the Sizzle Club if she wanna go?" he asked.

Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek and said nothing. OGD finally realized he was being ignored, and they sat in silence until Laura came out.

"Hey, guys," she smiled as she stepped out of the bedroom, her heels clicking confidently on the hardwood floors.

Steve stood, his jaw on the ground, when he looked at her. Her hair was curled perfectly. Her lips were a deep, shiny plum. She wore a black, leather half-jacket over a skin-tight, sparkling, zebra-print dress. It was short, ending high on her thighs, but her heeled, black boots went up to her knees. Of course, the part that Steve enjoyed and worried about most was her ample cleavage, emphasized by the fabric scrunching up at the bust.

She took a few steps closer to the speechless men, and spun around once so they could get the full effect. This revealed the cut-out on the back of her dress, revealing her lower-back and drawing any and all eyes to her bodacious booty. She smiled as she watched Steve's eyes devour her. Then she stepped up against him. "Are you ready to go?" she purred, straightening his lapels if only to get the chance to stroke his chest. She could feel his heart hammering a mile a minute.

"Laura," he croaked.

"Yes, my love?" she whispered.

"I don't want you wearing that," he revealed eventually.

Laura stepped back and glared at him. "I'm a grown woman, Steve, and you're not my father. You don't get to tell me how to dress."

"So much for her callin' you, Daddy, huh?" OGD joked.

Laura glared at him and turned back to Steve. "You're not my daddy," she clarified. "Just because I let you get a little... dominant in the bedroom from time to time doesn't mean you get to boss me around. We are equal partners in this relationship. I can't tell you what to wear, and you can't tell me what to wear."

Steve went to respond, but she cut him off.

"We can make suggestions, like I did tonight, but you don't have to wear this just because I set it out for you. You can wear whatever you want. I would like you to wear this, because you look very sexy, but you don't have to."

Steve took a deep breath and sighed. It was clear she had expected this fight and had prepared her arguments in advance. _Lawyers_. "Well, then I _suggest_ you wear something a little less provocative," he said through clenched teeth.

"Thank you for the _suggestion_," she said dryly, "but I'm ready to go. Now, maybe I wasn't clear that this was just a suggestion, so if you want to go change into something more you, we can give you a couple of minutes to do that."

Steve scoffed. "And leave you alone in that with this wild animal?" He gestured to OGD. "Fat chance!"

Laura nodded, trying not to be annoyed. "Then let's go," she said curtly, grabbing her purse and walking out the door. Steve followed closely behind her, a little too closely actually, as he tried to block OGD's view.


	6. Chapter 6

When they got to the Sizzle Club, they got in line. Being that it was a Sunday, it wasn't exactly packed, so they got past the bouncer quickly enough and found Eddie and Max right away. Since the best talent was saved for Saturdays, they were stuck with a DJ, but Laura didn't mind at all, considering she hadn't been out to a place like this since her bachelorette party. They got a table and had a couple drinks, catching up, but then Laura heard one of her favorite songs.

"Oh! This is that new Missy song!" she said excitedly.

OGD turned to her. "You wanna dance?" he offered.

Steve glared at her, but it was unnecessary since she answered quickly and without prompting. "Not with you," she replied flatly. Steve had relaxed slightly by the time she turned back to him. "Will you dance with me, Baby?" she purred.

"Laura, my tiny dancer, you know I don't know how to dance," he said softly.

"That's never stopped you before," she said with a confused laugh.

"I don't wanna embarrass you," he explained.

She cocked her head at him. "You won't embarrass me," she said firmly. "Don't be ridiculous." She stood and slipped off her jacket, revealing even more of her body. Then she offered him her hand. "Come on," she insisted, dragging him out to the floor.

She moved close to him and began to move to the beat. He noticed how little space she now left between them compared to prom night or even the wedding. Her body moved differently, too. Her hips moved more. She pushed out her chest and her butt. She moved slowly, but deliberately, making all the right parts jiggle. Something about it looked familiar.

She ran her hands up his chest and slipped them around his neck. "Hey, you're supposed to move, too, remember?" she teased.

"Laura, I don't know how to dance to a song like–"

"Yes, you do," she stressed. "It's all in the hips," she purred, placing her hands on his hips. "Find the beat, rock back and forth…"

He took a deep breath and tried it, but he barely moved at all.

"No, Baby, you have to actually move them," she giggled.

"Laura, what makes you think I can do this?" he asked, growing frustrated. "Polka doesn't exactly transfer to this."

"No, but one of your other skills does," she explained. She moved closer to him and swung her hips in the same rhythm as his.

"What do you mean?"

She leaned close to him, grinding gently against him. "Sex," she whispered.

He gasped dramatically, pulling away from her. At least that made his hips move. "Laura Lee Urkel, that's not something we do in public," he scolded.

"No, it's not," she agreed, stepping into him again, "but it's similar. The motion, the rhythm." She turned around and pressed her butt against his groin. "The touching," she purred, grinding against him.

He shuddered against her, gripping her hips tightly and pulling her closer.

She grinned as she felt him embrace her. "That's it, Baby," she encouraged. "Now, move with me."

Steve began to grind with her instinctually, following the beat only because she was. He had completely forgotten his objections by the time she started to get low. He watched intently, forgetting about all the other people in the room as she dropped down, and slowly slid her way back up his body.

She turned around and pulled his face close to hers. "See? I knew you could do it," she grinned. "All men who are great in bed can learn to dance."

He shook his head. "I'm still barely doing anything."

"So do something," she purred. "Just make sure you follow the beat in your hips."

Steve released her hips and freed his arms. He began to snap with the beat.

Laura smiled at his simple dance move. She moved close again and snapped with him. "There you go. There you go. There you go," she encouraged.

Suddenly, Laura felt hands on her hips from behind. Her brow furrowed, and she looked at Steve in front of her. His eyes were locked on his own feet, making sure he didn't trip, so he didn't even notice the man who had approached her, and Laura didn't want him to. She moved closer to Steve, wrapping her arms around his neck to illustrate she was taken, but the man behind her was uninterested in her status, and he was persistent. She said a silent prayer that it wasn't OGD and turned around to glare at him. Thankfully, it wasn't. She glared and motioned with her head that she was with someone, but he still refused to take the hint. Laura turned around, pressing her butt firmly into Steve's groin, and grinded against him. She turned her head to the side and leaned slightly so she could make eye contact with her husband. His eyes met hers shyly as his arms came up around her waist. He smiled softly.

"Oh, c'mon, Baby," the aggressive stranger yelled over the music. "Don't be like that."

Steve's eyes suddenly shot to their third wheel.

Laura yanked his chin, forcing his eyes back to hers. "Just ignore him, Steve," she instructed.

"But, Laura," he began.

"C'mon, you really wanna dance with this guy over me?" he asked, doing a mediocre body roll.

Laura finally faced forward and looked at him. "Yes," she said pointedly.

A moment later, the second the song ended, Steve grabbed her hand and yanked her off the floor. He led her quickly back to their table and sat down.

OGD looked at their weird vibe and furrowed his brow. "What's up?" he asked.

"I hate clubs," Steve announced, crossing his arms over his chest.

Laura sat beside him. "Steve, it was one creepy guy, and he's gone. We were having fun before that," she reminded him.

Steve looked at Laura's disappointed face. Why did she like places like this? "Laura, Sweetheart, I don't like–"

Suddenly, the creep returned, taking a seat on the other side of Laura. "Baby Girl, you didn't have to let him drag you away from me," he cooed, leaning far too close to her for comfort.

Laura leaned back toward Steve. "Back off, Jerk. I'm married," she said, showing him her ring.

He took the opportunity to grab her left hand and pull her to her feet. Steve leapt out of his chair, but the creep didn't flinch. "That's never stopped me before," he purred.

Steve stepped between them. "The lady doesn't want to be touched," he said firmly, wanting desperately to free Laura's hand, but from the way she was struggling, it was clear he had a good grip on it, and Steve was afraid of hurting Laura if he did something with too much force.

"The lady?" he laughed. "The way she was dancing up on you? More like 'the ho'."

Steve pulled his fist back, ready to knock his lights out, but Laura finally escaped the creep's grip and grabbed his arm with both hands.

"Steve, no!" she yelled.

He stopped in his tracks. He turned to her, ready to defend his right to fight for her honor, but suddenly, he didn't have to.

OGD came up from behind the creep and turned him around. "You better back the fuck off right now," he yelled.

"Or what?"

OGD punched him hard in the nose and knocked him to the ground. Laura and Steve turned in shock. OGD was shaking the pain out of his fist and walking casually back to his seat by the time they saw what had happened.

A bouncer was there in a moment. "Who punched him?" he demanded.

Steve spoke suddenly. "I did!"

"Steve!" Laura scolded.

"No, he didn't," OGD corrected. "I did."

"No, it was me!" Steve said again.

OGD stood and looked at the bouncer. "Look at that fool, and look at me. Who do you think punched him?"

Steve stepped closer to the bouncer. "He was hitting on _my_ wife. I punched him. What motive did that guy have?"

"Shut up," the bouncer said eventually. "I don't care. You're both outta here," he announced. He stepped forward to remove them, but both of them came willingly.

Laura grabbed her purse and jacket and went to find Max and Eddie. She told them what had happened and met Steve and OGD out front. She scowled at OGD. "What is wrong with you?" she demanded.

OGD rolled his eyes. "Laura, you heard what that guy called you."

"I did, and he wasn't the first, and he won't be the last. That's why I stopped Steve from hitting him. That kind of thing happens to me sometimes. If Steve hit every guy who called me a dirty name, he'd have a rap sheet a mile long!" she argued.

"You should've let me hit him," Steve grumbled.

"And _you_?!" she said, reeling on him. "What is wrong with _you_? What if the cops get involved? Why are you trying to take the fall for him?"

"Because he shouldn't have to. It's my responsibility to take care of guys like that!" Steve argued. "I'm your husband."

Laura rolled her eyes. "It is not your responsibility, and it's not his. It's mine, and the bouncer's, and society's, and yours only if I ask. There was no need for that to escalate like that," she said firmly.

"Laura, I'm not going to sit by and let men treat you like that," Steve growled.

"Yo, OG," Eddie said as he and Max came out. "We were havin' a nice time. Why'd you start somethin'?"

"Poser called your sister a ho," he replied immediately.

"Oh," Eddie said, growing upset. "Yeah, that was a good call then."

"No, it wasn't! I'm a grown-up, guys!" she argued. "I don't need my doofuses in dull armor coming to my rescue."

"Laura, come on," Max said eventually. "They were just lookin' out for you."

"Yeah, well, I haven't been to the Sizzle Club in months, and now the night's ruined, and I'm freezing, so thanks, guys," she sneered. Steve took off his jacket and wrapped it around her. She wanted to make a snotty comment about not needing his protection from the cold either, but she really was freezing, so she stayed silent. He wrapped her in his arms, warming her with his body heat.

"You guys wanna go get a burger?" Eddie asked. "I'm starved."

"You're always starved," Max laughed.

The boys looked to Laura. "Yeah, I guess," she shrugged. They walked down the block to a tiny diner and slipped inside. They sat in a corner booth, with OGD and Steve on either side of Laura. Steve hesitantly wrapped an arm around her, afraid that she was too mad to allow him such a simple pleasure, but then she leaned into him. He kissed her forehead and rested his head against hers.


	7. Chapter 7

When they got home that night, they said their goodnights to OGD and headed straight to bed. Laura slipped off her jacket and tossed it on the chair in the corner. She sat on the edge of the bed and took off her heels. She moaned softly, relieved to have finally freed her poor feet. "Mm…" She began to massage one of them gently.

"Let me do that," Steve insisted, kneeling in front of her.

"You don't have– OH, GOD…" she interrupted herself as his hands began to dig into all the right spots. He worked her sore muscles better than she did. "Oh, Steve…" she purred.

He grinned. "You keep makin' sounds like that, and we're gonna have to put some music on to drown you out," he teased.

She giggled. "Mmm… Then turn up them tunes, Baby," she cooed, lying back on the bed.

Steve released her foot and stood.

"Hey," she complained.

He silently slipped off his jacket and tossed it on the chair with hers. He walked over to the stereo and turned on one of their favorite CDs. He turned the volume up high, but not obnoxiously so, to drown out any noise they were going to make. He was still embarrassed that Myrtle had heard them. He would be much more upset if OGD did, too, because Steve knew how incredible Laura sounded in bed, and he wanted to be the only man who knew. He unbuttoned his shirt, tossed it onto the floor, and walked into the closet. He slipped off his jeans and socks and put them in the hamper. He hung his belt back up and walked out to her in his boxers. He paused in the doorway and stared at her for a moment. She was still in that tight, little dress.

"What?" she asked, now lying on her side of the bed, propped up on several pillows, leaning against the headboard.

"You're beautiful."

"Thank you," she smiled.

He took a few steps out the door, walking to her slowly. "You're sexy," he purred.

"You're horny," she countered, staring at his clearly visible erection.

He growled. "Like a rhino," he agreed, pointing a finger off of his forehead and one off his nose, imitating a rhinoceros's horns.

She laughed and patted the bed beside her. "C'mere," she encouraged.

He hopped excitedly onto his side of the bed and looked at her expectantly.

"Are you really not gonna finish my foot rub?" she pouted.

He glanced at the clock. He had to wake up _so_ early tomorrow. He looked back at her. But that pout… He leaned forward and kissed her, sucking happily on that bottom lip that teased him so. "Of course I will," he agreed, moving down to her feet. He sat sideways so he could rest his feet on the floor as he pulled one of hers into his lap. He didn't have a fetish or anything, but Laura had very pretty feet. He wasn't sure how she managed to keep them looking so nice considering how often she wore heels and complained of the pain they caused her. Still, pretty or not, touching any part of her was a blessing to him, and hearing her moan like she did was an incredible tease.

"Oh, Steeeeeeeve…" she cooed.

He glanced back at her. Her eyes were tightly closed, and a small smile was spreading across her face. "Does this feel good, Turtle Toes?" he asked softly.

"Yes, Baby. Thank you," she grinned brighter.

"See?" he said. "Clubs aren't worth it, Laura. You put on these heels and that uncomfortable dress. You tortured yourself all night, and for what? A little dancing?" Laura's eyes popped open, and her brow furrowed. Steve immediately regretted his words.

"I like clubbing, Steve," she insisted. "I like wearing uncomfortable heels and revealing dresses. I like dancing to loud music and feeling a little claustrophobic when a good song comes on and everyone's out there. I'm your wife, Steve. I'm not a nun. You can't keep treating me like I've taken a vow to spend every weekend reading with you on the couch," she complained.

"Hey, we do more than that," he said defensively.

Laura took a deep breath and sighed. "I know," she agreed. "I'm sorry, but you know what I mean. I'm 22, and I still want to act like I'm 22, not 55."

"But, Laura," he argued, still diligently rubbing her feet, "we're married. Your life isn't going to be like the average 22 year-old's."

"Ok. That's fine. I'm not saying I wanna do this every weekend, but I wanna be able to do it from time to time without having to fight with you all night and leave early."

"Hey, I didn't get us kicked out," he argued.

"No, but you would've if I'd let you."

"Laura," he growled firmly, "you heard what he called you. I'm not gonna let anyone talk to you like that. I'm glad OGD hit him. I wish it'd been me."

"You can't hit people, Steve. Ever. It's assault. We're lucky nobody called the cops tonight. I wanna be a prosecutor in a few years and maybe become the DA or something eventually. I can't do that if I'm married to a criminal," she reminded him.

"But, Laura," he began.

"No. I never wanna see you try something like that again, ok? You get one punch in our marriage, and you used it on Waxman. That was a good choice but no more, Steve. I mean it. You're an adult now, and you need to realize your actions have consequences, even when you're defending my honor," she pressed.

Steve took a deep breath and sighed. "Ok. I guess you're right. No more hitting people."

"Good."

"But I might yell at 'em long enough that they hit me, and then I _will_ hit them back in self-defense!" he exclaimed.

Laura laughed and rolled her eyes. "Fine," she agreed, "as long as there is a solid, legal defense." She paused for a minute. "But, really, Steve, try to keep your cool. You know women have to deal with that kind of stuff all the time. Sometimes, it's better and _safer_ to ignore it."  
"You shouldn't have to deal with that kind of harassment," he said.

"But I do. _We _do. This is something that every woman experiences and not just in clubs."

"But, Laura, that's awful," he exclaimed. "You can't just expect me to be ok with that!"

"No, I don't. That's not it. Steve, when someone's really aggressive like that… You can react. You can defend me. Just don't get violent. If I'm ever really scared, and I need you to protect me physically, I'll tell you. You'll be able to tell. That guy wasn't gonna hurt me, Steve, and if he had tried, you would've stopped him. There was no reason to hit him. At least, not yet."

"I just want men to respect you and respect our marriage," he exhaled.

"Me too, Steve, but this isn't a perfect world. You and I have to learn how to deal with this stuff together. I'm used to it, but I understand that you're not. You need to follow my lead here, though."

"Ok," he agreed eventually. "I'll follow your lead."

"Thank you," she said, pulling her foot away from him. She moved closer to him and kissed his cheek. "I wanna go clubbing sometimes, Steve. If you don't wanna go, Max and I can go, and we can call it a girls' night out or something, but I still wanna go."

He shook his head. "I don't want you two in places like that alone. It's not safe," he argued, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Steve, Max and I used to go out all the time," she complained.

He frowned. "I know, Sweetheart, but I worry about you. What if that guy had gone after you like that, and I wasn't there? What would you have done?" he asked.

"The same things I did with you there, Steve. I would have moved away from him. I would have told him I was married. If he pursued me aggressively, I would've gotten him kicked out."

"And if they wouldn't kick him out?" he pressed.

"They would've," she insisted.

Steve took another deep breath and sighed again. "Laura, what if he had tried something? And I mean, really tried to… Tried something terrible."

"That can happen anywhere, Steve," she said, looking away from him.

"I know," he agreed, "but when you're in a place like that, and you're drinking, and you're dressed like that…"

Laura looked up quickly and glared at him. "I know you didn't just try to victim blame me for a hypothetical situation," she scowled.

"No, Laura, of course not. If something bad had happened, it would have only been one person's fault. The guy who hurt you. But, Laura, I don't ever want that to happen! I don't want anything like that to ever happen to you!"

"Why? Because then you wouldn't be my one and only anymore?" she accused.

Steve's jaw dropped. "God, no, Laura! It's nothing like that! I just don't ever want someone to hurt you!"

"I don't either, Steve! But I can't live my life in constant fear like that! You can't keep me home to keep me safe!"

Steve looked at her for a long moment. "God, I wish I could," he said eventually.

"No, you don't," she said seriously. She took his hands in hers. "You like that I'm a little wilder than you. You like that I'm a goody two-shoes, but you also like that I push you out of your comfort zone a little. If you had wanted someone just like you, you would've married Myra."

"Spent every Friday night at the polka hall, hunted for bugs all day Saturday, gone to the deli for cheese every Sunday…" he listed.

Laura's jaw clenched. She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

He glanced at her sideways and winked at her. "Kidding, my jealous, little jellybean," he cooed.

"Not funny," she growled.

He nodded and placed a hand on her knee. "Sorry, Sweetums." He rubbed her smooth skin slowly, suddenly remembering how close they had just been to that make-up sex she had promised him that morning. "Look, Sweet Thang," he said, "I am never gonna love clubs. It's just not gonna happen, but that doesn't mean I won't you take you to them. Maybe with a little practice, they'll at least make me a little less nervous," he suggested.

She half-smiled. "I hope so," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I'm not ready for girls' night yet," he added. "Give me a little more time before you try that."

She chuckled. "No promises."

He rolled his eyes. "You are so hard-headed."

"And that's why you love me," she cooed, kissing his cheek and nuzzling his neck.

"One of many reasons," he agreed. "But how 'bout this," he suggested. "New Year's Eve, the five of us go out again. Cornelius and I will be on our best behavior so that we make it long enough to kiss at midnight."

"You and Cornelius?" she joked.

He laughed and snorted. "Not who I had in mind."

"You mean it, Steve? A wild night on the town for the old, married couple?" she pouted.

"If that's what you wanna do, Sweetums," he agreed.

"That's a wonderful idea," Laura grinned brightly. "I'll call Max tomorrow. You know who's playin' at the Sizzle Club on New Year's?" she asked.

"No, who?" he asked.

"Destiny's Child," Laura said excitedly.

Steve turned his head to her. "Really? Will we be able to get in?"

"We'll have to wait in the cold for a very long time beforehand," she warned him, "but it'll be so much fun!"

"Whoopee," he cheered nervously.

"C'mon," she pressed, "you like Destiny's Child."

"I do," he agreed reluctantly, "but they're no Stosh Kibbutz."

She laughed and kissed him. She pulled away and walked over to the CD player. She took out the CD that was playing and switched it out with Destiny's Child's second album. She put on just the right track and pressed play. She turned around and looked at him again.

"_Baby, I want for nothing, just your tender sweet loving. I know you've got your things to do, but tell me what means more to you. Hanging out with me or with your boys?_"

She smiled at him and looked down at her feet bashfully. "C'mere," she said eventually.

"_Sometimes I do get lonely, no you and no one to hold me_."

He stood and walked over to her. She stepped into his arms and pressed her body against him. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, which was slightly more difficult without her six-inch heels. He finally took the hint and began to dance with her slowly.

"_You want so much to lay me down. Is that what keeps you hanging 'round? Is that the only way to win your heart?_" she sang along softly, looking deeply into his eyes.

He leaned his head down to rest it against her neck. He kissed her softly as they continued to sway gently.

"_Well, if I loved you a little bit longer, if my love was a little bit stronger, would you stay, stay? Baby, please stay_," she continued.

He lifted his head again and looked down at her. He kissed her lips, silencing her beautiful voice, and reached back to her zipper. He slowly slid it down, revealing the rest of her smooth back.

"_If I granted all of your wishes, gave you more than touches and kisses, would you stay, stay? I need you to stay._"

When the zipper reached the end of its track, he pulled at the tight, clingy fabric of her dress, barely managing to get it past her butt before it finally pooled around her ankles. He leaned back to look down at her fit body, finally revealed to him again. He was so glad she wasn't wearing a bra. He lifted her into his arms as they kissed again, and he threw her down on the bed. He climbed on top of her.

"_I'll be, be yours forever, but can we keep us together? I know the time is drawing near. I've promised you. Has it been a year? Baby, now I'm ready, will you stay, stay?_"

He kissed her neck as his hands drifted up to her breasts. He massaged them gently for a few moments before quickly growing impatient. He began to kiss his way down her lithe body as she spread her legs without him needing to hint.

"_If I loved you a little bit longer, if my love was a little bit stronger, would you stay, stay? Baby, please stay. If I granted all of your wishes, gave you more than touches and kisses, would you stay, stay? I need you to stay._"

He reached her womanhood and pulled off her black, lace thong. He tossed it aside and inhaled her sweet scent. He looked up at her, happy to see how intently she was watching him. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he slowly leaned down and began to lick her slit.

"_Every night I lay and think about it. If you love me, you could live without it._"

He began to suck on her clit as his fingers slid inside of her. He spread them, spreading out her tight walls for him. He moved his fingers in and out of her as he sucked. She moaned loudly the whole time. He stroked her G-spot.

"_But I don't wanna do you that way. No, no, no, no, no…_"

"Oh, Steeeeeeve…" Laura moaned.

He moaned happily in response. "Mmmmmm…" He had wanted her so badly, so badly since OGD had knocked on their door. He was supposed to just send him away and get back in bed with her, but instead, they'd taken a 36-hour detour from where they both really needed to be.

"_I don't know exactly what I'm feelin'. I'm kinda scared but then I'm kinda willing. Will you promise me just one thing? No matter what, you're gonna staaaay…_"

The refrain repeated again and again as he ate her out, but it wasn't until they were well into the next song that she finally came for him.

"Oh, Steeeeeve!" she groaned as her body shook around him.

When her thighs released his head, he kissed his way back up her body, continuing to finger her. He kissed her lips, smearing her wetness on her face, and smiled at her. "Did that feel good, Babycakes?" he asked.

She nodded silently, still panting.

He kissed her again. "You missed that, didn't you?" he pressed. "You want it every day, just like I do, don't you?"

"Mmmm," she purred. "You know my sex-drive could give yours a run for its money," she whispered, thrusting her hips into his hand as he fingered her relentlessly.

"Then I better make sure I keep you satisfied," he purred, pulling his fingers away. He placed a hand on either side of her head as he held himself above her. He looked down at her body below him. He was glad she hadn't bothered to slip under the covers as he stared at every inch of her. He had been so upset earlier when he first saw her in that dress, but looking at her like this, he realized how much he had overreacted. She saved this part for his eyes, and his touch, only, and that was all that mattered. He lined his member up with her entrance and thrust forward. "Ohhhhhh…" he groaned as her tight walls began to squeeze him.

"Oh!" she gasped breathlessly as he filled her quickly.

He moved in and out of her like he'd been dying to do since their unwelcome guest had so rudely interrupted them. He leaned his head close to her and kissed her passionately as he buried his entire member inside of her. "Mmmmm…"

"Ohhhhhh…" she called loudly, opening her mouth and breaking their kiss.

He smiled, happy to make her so happy, but then he remembered something. He nipped her neck, softly but hard enough to get her attention.

"Oh!" she yelled.

"Shhhh…" he insisted. "You have to be quiet for me, Beautiful. Those sounds are only for my ears."

Laura bit her lip and nodded, but it was so hard to stay quiet, especially since he always encouraged her to be so loud. "Mmmm…" she moaned quietly.

"Good girl," he whispered in her ear. "Good girl." He moved his hand to her clit and began to rub it in rhythm with his thrusts.

"Steeeve…" she purred a little too loudly.

"Shhhh…" he said again, though he couldn't help but smile at her. As much as he wanted to keep their sex-life private, there was a part of him that loved that she couldn't stop herself from crying his name as he made love to her. He began to move faster, further challenging her to stay quiet.

"Steve. Steve. Steve," she grunted with every thrust.

"Laura," he grunted with her. "Laura! Laura! Laura!" He grew louder. In the throes of passion, he didn't care who heard them. In that moment, he wanted everyone in the world to know what he was doing and who he was doing it with.

She tried to be quiet, but she lost control as he finally came inside her several minutes later, sending her over the edge. "STEEEEEVE!" she called. "Oh. Oh, God, Steve!"

He buried his face in her neck and rested on top of her. "Laura Lee," he purred, kissing her softly. As his heart slowed, he lifted his head up to look down at her. "You didn't stay quiet for me," he scolded gently, rubbing his nose against hers.

She pouted. "I know, Baby. I'm sorry. I tried."

"You're such a naughty girl," he teased. "Screaming to me like that."

She smiled flirtatiously. "Well, if you weren't so good in bed."

"Mmmm..." he growled low. "Did I make you feel good?" he asked.

"Was I not loud enough?" she laughed.

"Do you think he heard how good I made you feel?" Steve asked.

"Maybe," she admitted, biting her lip.

"Do you care?" he asked gently.

"No. Not at all, Steve. I'm not embarrassed about what we do. I'd rather it all be private and intimate, but I'd rather be with you and let him hear us than not be with you at all." She turned to him as he rolled off of her. "What about you?"

"I hate the idea of him hearing you in bed, but when we were actually in the middle of it..."

"What?" she prompted.

"I wanted him to hear. I wanted him to know that I was keeping you satisfied and that you were that into me."

She smiled. "Well, I think I made that pretty clear. I certainly wasn't fantasizing about anybody else."

"You better not have been," he scolded. He kissed her forehead before sliding out of bed while she turned off the lamp at her bedside. He turned off the stereo and climbed back in beside her. "I love you, Laura Lee."

"I love you, too, Steve," she replied with a yawn as she turned away from him, waiting to be held. His arms wrapped around her quickly and pulled her close as they both closed their eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Laura got up the next morning with Steve, even though she didn't have to, and made him breakfast. They ate together, him fully dressed in a suit and her still in his shirt from the night before. She handed him his sack lunch and his briefcase as she walked him to the door. He paused in front of it. "I kinda like havin' a stay-at-home wife," he purred.

Laura glared at him and pinched his arm. "Don't get used to it," she said firmly.

He laughed and snorted. It was so easy to get under her skin and tease her when he wanted to. He set down his briefcase and lunch and took her into his arms. He pulled her firmly against him and lowered his hands to her butt. She placed her hands on his chest, stroking it gently. "I love you," he whispered, looking deep into her eyes.

Laura smiled softly. "I love you, too. I wish you had a break, too."

"I do," he reminded her. "I get a four-day weekend for both Christmas and New Year's."

"I know, but I'm bored," she pouted. "I just wanna play with my best friend while school's out, and I can't."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Your best friend wants to play with you, too," he purred.

"Call in sick," she suggested. "We can spend the whole day in bed."

"Mmmm…" he groaned in desire and frustration. "Don't make promises like that, Pet. You know how they tempt me."

"I like tempting you," she said, unbuttoning a button on his shirt she was wearing. Then another. Then another.

Steve's eyes watched her nimble fingers intently as they exposed more and more of her satiny skin. _Just one more_, he begged silently, knowing one more would reveal her breasts.

"Morning," OGD said as he walked out of the office.

Laura's eyes widened, and she turned toward the kitchen, facing away from him, as Steve pulled back and released her butt. She quickly buttoned the shirt again and folded her arms over her chest, hoping to conceal her erect nipples.

When she turned back around, Steve had picked up his lunch and briefcase again. "Good morning, Cornelius," Steve said bruskly. He turned back to Laura. "I really have to go, Sweetheart. Go to the mall and get your shopping done. I'll be home as soon as I can. Remember, it's only a three-day week. We just have to make it to Thursday." He stepped close to her again and leaned down to kiss her.

She reached up, placing her hands affectionately on his cheeks as they kissed. She smiled softly against his lips as she felt how hot his cheeks were. If his dark skin hadn't concealed it, he would've been beet red with either lust or embarrassment. As he pulled away, she stared after him.

"I love you," he said, standing in the doorway.

"I love you, too," she cooed.

"I love you more," he grinned.

"I love you most," she purred.

"No, you don't," he said dismissively. He blew her a kiss and headed out the door.

She stood in silence for a moment, staring at the door. She smiled to herself as she thought about him.

"Gross," OGD complained as he poured a bowl of cereal in her kitchen.

Laura looked up at him, suddenly remembering he was there. "I should get dressed," she said, feeling naked as she stood before him wearing Steve's dress shirt and nothing underneath.

"Don't do that on my account," he grinned. "I don't mind the show."

Laura blushed and glared at him. "Best behavior, remember?" she threatened, wagging her finger at him. She turned quickly and walked away.


	9. Chapter 9

When Laura returned, after having showered, dressed, and done her entire morning routine, she found OGD on the couch, watching TV, still wearing only his pajama pants and clearly exposed boxer shorts. Laura walked over and sat beside him. "Are you planning to put a shirt on today?" she asked.

He smiled and turned off the TV, turning to face her. "Why? Am I tempting you with these muscles, Baby?"

Laura rolled her eyes. "Hm. When's the last time you saw Steve shirtless?" she asked.

He furrowed his brow. "What kinda question is that?"

"You're not tempting me," she promised dismissively.

He rolled his eyes and looked away. He tried to ignore that comment, but he couldn't. "You're tellin' me that Steve has a better body than me?"

Laura looked him up and down. "Yup."

"I'm this close to ripping my pants off to see if you're still sayin' that," he warned, holding his fingers close together.

"It's a little cold to find yourself sleeping outside for the holiday season, isn't it?" she threatened.

He stared at her for a long moment, and then he laughed. She laughed, too, and rolled her eyes again. "Yo, I never thought Steve would end up with a girl as cool as you. I mean, when we were younger, and he used to talk non-stop about Laura Winslow, I just assumed you were as big a geek as he is."

"Watch it," she warned.

"He'd always pull a hundred pics o' you outta his wallet, and you got prettier every year, but I still assumed you were just a really hot nerd. Then I met chou, and I couldn't believe you were that fine and that cool, but then, you know, it still made sense because Steve had no chance with you."

"Actually," she interrupted, "I had really strong feelings for Steve when we met. That's why I told you I was trying to decide between two guys. Steve was one of the guys."

"Fo' real?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me that? I may've backed off."

"No, you wouldn't've. You just would've made fun of me," she argued.

"Yeah, a'ight," he agreed. "But fo' real, Laura, how did Steve get a girl like you?"

Laura couldn't tell if he was just asking that question to mock Steve or if he sincerely wanted to know. Laura stared at him incredulously.

He could read her mind. "I really wanna know."

Laura nodded, deciding to bite. "He has always been there for me, since we were five years old. He was there for me whenever I needed him when he was 12 and wouldn't leave me alone and when we were 20 and had grown apart a little, both being in serious relationships. Whenever I really needed him, or even wanted him, he was there for me. He was a good friend through and through."

"But that don't mean nothin'. Everybody's got good friends. How did he get from there to here?"

Laura smiled as she thought back to the moment that changed their lives. "He participated in this auction for my sorority. We auctioned off kisses from bachelors, and I didn't wanna ask him to be part of it because…" She looked away, hating to admit this part of the story.

"You didn't think no one would bid on him."

"Right," she agreed reluctantly. "And something about what I said, or didn't say, or the way I said or didn't say it, inspired him to do a little makeover. It was all little, silly stuff. He switched from suspenders to belts and took classes to lower his voice, but his new voice had this weird accent," she laughed. "Anyway, it wasn't like he had really changed, so of course, when he got up there…"

"Ain't nobody bid on him," he finished for her.

She sighed and nodded. "I felt so bad for him."

"So it was pity?"

"No," Laura corrected. "The pity I felt for him as a friend, and as a friend, I decided to help him. He tried to give up, and as he walked away with his head down, I bid on him."

"How much?" he asked immediately.

"A hundred dollars," she admitted.

"Yo, that's too much!" he laughed. "Nobody else was biddin'! You don't know how auctions work."

Laura laughed. "It _was_ too much. It was twice as much as my opening bid on my own boyfriend! But he was so sad!" she whined.

"So it was pity!" he argued again.

"No, I still only bid on him as a friend. My feelings hadn't changed. We had already kissed a few times before. A few pecks here and there while we were growing up, and we actually made out a little on prom night," she giggled, blushing deeply, "so I just figured it would be like that. I'd give him one good French kiss and send him packing, but this time… The second his lips touched mine, I felt this spark. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and just as I was really starting to get into it, the little drum roll the band did for each kiss ended, and he pulled away. I just kinda looked up at him like 'Boy, where do you think you're goin'?'" She laughed, shaking her head as all the blood in her body continued to rush to her cheeks. She wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or excitement, but it was certainly a familiar feeling. "So I just grabbed him and kissed him again. Our hands moved up from each other's hips to wrap around each other's backs, pulling us closer together. Our tongues explored every inch of each other's mouths as quickly as possible because both of us knew this kiss would end too soon, too, and of course, it did. It wasn't long before I realized what I was doing and who I was doing it with and where I was doing it, and I slowly and casually pulled away from him. I was just trying to get a hold of myself when he let out this low, deep, 'Wooooow…', and I swear, it sent a shiver to every nerve in my body. I looked back at him, and he was so completely shocked, but for like the first time in my life, it was… cute. I looked him up and down, and I know he saw that I was checkin' him out, but I just couldn't help it. That night, I got out of there as quickly as I could. Stefan had left early to go back to Europe anyway, so I just drove home, locked myself in my room, and told myself I was just imagining it, but then I woke up, and it didn't go away. I tried to forget about that kiss, but I couldn't, and I tried to convince myself I was losing my mind, but I wasn't. I was… falling in love… with Steve Urkel. Less than a year after that auction, we got engaged, and less than a year after that, we got married," she finished.

"So it was pity," he said again.

"No!" Laura laughed, slapping his knee. "It was chemistry… that I found through pity."

OGD laughed and shook his head. "He's that good of a kisser?" he asked.

"Yeah." Laura nodded quickly, again and again.

"You know, I'm a pretty good kisser, too," he argued.

"Stop," she warned.

"I was just kiddin'… mostly," he grinned flirtatiously.

"Mhmm…" she agreed sarcastically. "Look, I know this all sounds crazy, but he's the one."

"You really believe in that kinda stuff?"

"I never did, but he changed all that."


	10. Chapter 10

That afternoon, Laura invited OGD to the mall so she could finish her Christmas shopping. He wasn't exactly enthusiastic, but he clearly didn't want to be alone. It was more fun for both of them have someone to talk to anyway. There was one store she didn't want to take him to, however. She paused a few shops down. "Ok," she said. "I have just one more stop to make. Why don't you go pull my car around?" She held out the keys.

"Why? How long are you gonna be?" he asked, unclear as to why he was being sent away.

"Not long. I promise," she smiled.

"Well, I'll just come with you."

"But we'll get out of here quicker if you pull the car around. You know how awful mall traffic is this time of year."

"Not at one in the afternoon on a Monday," he argued, furrowing his brow.

"Maybe not in Detroit, but here in Chicago?" she exclaimed.

"Laura, what's goin' on?" he demanded, growing concerned. "I thought you and I were cool. Did I do something?"

Laura took a deep breath and sighed. "No, it's not like that OGD. I just have to buy one last present for Steve, and I don't want you to see it," she explained.

"Why not? I won't tell."

"I'm going to buy lingerie," she whispered eventually.

OGD grinned and chuckled. He looked her up and down, ogling her shamelessly. "Mm... Now, this I gotta see."

"Cornelius," she warned, folding her arms over her ample chest protectively.

"Hey, Baby, it's a free mall. Just try and stop me," he laughed, waking forward. "Where we goin'? Victoria's Secret?"

Laura followed behind him, still a little peeved, but she really couldn't stop him. She walked into the store, hoping to get in and out as quickly as possible. She took a deep breath and cleared her mind. She focused on Steve and began her search. She knew he was going to buy her something spectacular for their first Christmas together. She wanted to return the favor, but nothing she found was good enough. His tastes were too unique to be satisfied at the mall. She knew, however, that she could buy him a little burst of happiness in Victoria's Secret. It wouldn't be good enough to stand alone as a gift, but it should give her a few bonus points.

The holiday themed section immediately caught her eye. Steve loved a good costume. She approached revealing outfits of red and green and snowy white. She'd pick them up, hold them against herself, trying to find the item that would look the best. She jumped as an arm came around her.

"You would look so sexy in this," OGD whispered, holding a black bustier, thong, and garter set up to her torso.

Laura glanced down at it. She certainly would, but it didn't exactly scream Steve. Laura pulled away from him. "I really don't think it's appropriate for you to be helping me with this, Cornelius," she said flatly.

He chuckled and pulled back. "Oh, c'mon. You're really gonna buy one of those cheesy getups?" he asked, gesturing at the rack of costumes behind her.

Laura glanced back at them. They were a little cheesy, but, "Steve likes cheesy!"

"That is such a waste!" he complained.

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning back to the lingerie behind her.

"A honey as fine as you shouldn't be with a guy like that. You have the body to pull off anything in here, and you practically married a monk."

Laura glared back at him. "That's not fair," she said dismissively. "Steve is very adventurous."

"Girl, you trippin'," he argued with a wave of his hand.

"I'm serious," she insisted. "It took him a while to get comfortable with me, but now, he's a lot of fun in bed... and out of bed." She smirked to herself.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. I'm sure you two have had great sex in the bathroom, and oh, maybe the kitchen," he snickered.

"We've done more than that!" she whined defensively.

"Like what?"

"Steve doesn't like it when I share this kind of stuff," she hesitated.

"I won't tell anyone, because I probably won't believe you..."

Laura took a deep breath, fuming. "Fine. In the car. In the bathroom at parties. In a barn at Urkel Oaks! On a plane!"

"On a plane?" he grinned.

"If you tell him I told you that, I'll deny it," she said quickly, turning back to the display in front of her. She picked up one of the nighties.

OGD rolled his eyes. "Fine, so Steve's an animal, so he's gonna appreciate this," he said, holding up the lingerie again.

Laura ignored him. "I'm not buying him something that you picked out! That would be so weird! You shouldn't even see it. Close your eyes!" she ordered, turning back to glare at him.

"What?" he laughed.

"I'm serious," she insisted.

She stared him down relentlessly, so eventually, he gave in. He closed his eyes. After giving her enough time to turn around, he opened his eyes to peek.

"No peeking!" she barked immediately.

He shut his eyes tightly again. This woman was amazing!

Laura grabbed a special, themed babydoll nightie and headed back to the dressing room. She slipped inside and secured the curtain carefully, knowing Steve would die if OGD got even the tiniest glimpse of her in lingerie. She slipped out of her clothes and pulled the red, translucent fabric over her body. A band of white fluff rested on the line framing her cleavage and on the hem line like a sexy Santa Claus. The rest of it was totally see-through. She knew with a matching pair of red panties, she would be a holiday knockout.

"Well? What's the verdict? Is that the one?" OGD called over the curtain, "or does it make you look like a ho, ho, ho?"

Laura smirked at his stupid joke but ultimately ignored his question. She quickly changed back into her clothes and folded the nightie up as tightly as possible. She slipped out of the curtain, still ignoring OGD, and moved quickly to a pile of red thongs calling her name. She grabbed one indiscriminately from the bin labeled with her size, and then she headed toward check out. OGD followed behind her, stopping to look at the items in the bin she'd just taken from. As she completed her transaction at the counter, he held one of the thongs up and glanced over at her. Her booty looked so good in those tight jeans, but he knew it would look so much better in the thong he was holding. He took a long moment to fantasize about it but shook it out of his head before she turned around.

When she finally did, he was standing awkwardly, trying not to look suspicious. She rolled her eyes and looked at him. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yup," he readily agreed, following her out of the store. They walked in uncomfortable silence until they got back to her car and loaded the bags. As he climbed into the passenger seat, he turned to her. "So are you just not gonna talk to me for the rest of the day?"

Laura laughed and started her car. They sat in park for a minute as it warmed up. "No, I'm still gonna talk you. I just… I'm just stressed. It's not you."

"What are you stressed about? You're on Christmas Break. Shouldn't you be completely relaxed?"

Laura shrugged. "I am. It's not school or anything. Christmas is stressing me out!" she complained, hitting her head against her steering wheel in frustration.

"Yeah, I get really stressed right before a fat, old, white man breaks into my house, too," he joked.

Laura laughed again. "I don't know what to get Steve, ok? That's why I'm stressed."

"I thought you just got him that nightie, which I hope he never personally puts on," he joked.

"That's just a go-along. I want to get him something really special, but he is impossible to shop for."

"Laura, I'm sure he will be perfectly happy seeing you in that nightie. Just slip that on Christmas morning, lay down under the tree, and let him go to town. That's all I'd want from you if you were my wife."

Laura smacked his arm. "Don't say things like that!" she scolded. She took a deep breath and sighed. "I know he'd be perfectly happy with that, but I wanna do better than that. He has gotten me so many amazing gifts over the years, and I know whatever he got me this year is going to put all of them to shame. I wanna get him something that shows him how well I know him."

"Well, what's so hard 'bout that?"

"Apparently, I don't really know him!" she exclaimed.

OGD chuckled. "Girl, it's not that big a deal. Whatever you get him, he'll pretend to like."

"I don't want him to have to pretend," she said with an eye roll.

As they drove back to the apartment, Laura bounced ideas off of him, and he bounced a few back, but they were getting nowhere. Finally, as they entered the apartment and she tossed her bags on the kitchen table, he clapped loudly.

"Ok," he exclaimed, "I got it. You put on some sexy music and some cheesy little costume." He walked over to the arm chair next to their couch and stood in front of it. "You start dancing,' he explained as he started moving as if he were a woman dancing, "and you shake those titties."

Laura's jaw dropped in offense.

"And you turn it around, and you make that big booty clap for him," he said as he turned around and shook his butt. Then he turned and fell back onto the couch and plopped his feet up on the coffee table roughly. "And, you know, if I happen to be in the room for it, ain't gonna bother me none," he grinned.

Laura finally closed her mouth. "Get your feet off my damn coffee table, you pig," she scolded, ignoring the rest of what had just occurred.

He put his feet back down on the ground. "Oooo, I like it when you scold me, Mama," he purred.

Laura laughed and threw a pillow at him and sat way on the other end of the couch. "You are such a jerk."  
He laughed too. "That was mostly a joke," he nodded, "but Steve would be so into that. Any man with eyes would. I don't know why you're sittin' around and worryin' so much when all Steve really wants is that body. Girl, nothin' you buy for him is gonna make him happier than fuckin' you."

Laura shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Rarely did she hang out with people who dropped that word so casually, but she knew that, even though they'd both grown up in large, urban areas, her up-bringing would have seemed like another dimension to OGD. She chose to ignore his crass language, as she often did, and get to the truth of what he was saying. "Steve wants me for more than my body. He loves my heart and my brain and-"

"Right. I know. It's just… You guys were friends before you were anything else. He's pretty used to your brain and your heart, right? Your body is the new, exciting thing in his life. It won't be forever, but girl, don't underestimate how much that little nightie is gonna mean to him."

Laura thought about it for a minute. "Maybe you're right," she shrugged.

"Oh, no, I got it!" he said with a mischievous grin. "A boudoir photo. I'll be your photographer!"

Laura rolled her eyes and turned on the TV so she could contemplate her options in moderate peace.


	11. Chapter 11

Not long after Laura and OGD got back to the apartment, the phone rang. OGD grabbed it before Laura could reach it. "Yo?" he answered.

"What a way to answer my home phone!" Steve exclaimed on the other end.

Laura rolled her eyes and took the receiver from him. "Hello?" she answered.

Steve smiled when he heard her voice. "Hello, Hot Chocolate," he cooed.

A smile spread slowly across her face. "Hi, Baby," she purred as OGD mimed gagging. She turned away from him. "Are you on your way home?"

Steve hesitated. "Well, uh… No, Sugar Plum. That's why I'm calling. I just wanted to remind you I'm going to pick up a tree with Carl, Eddie, and Eric tonight."

"Oh, right. I forgot all about that. Max and Myrtle are coming over here." She frowned. "Why are we doing this on a Monday again? Isn't this a weekend job?"

"Normally it would be, but Eddie worked Saturday, and we went out Sunday, remember?"

"Right," she nodded. "Don't stay out too late. I want us to have time to decorate it when you get home."

Steve smiled. "I will do my very best to bring our first tree home before you rest those beautiful eyes."

"Our first tree," she smiled.

"Yup," he grinned. "I'll pick out a good one, too," he promised.

"You better."

"All right, Cookie Butter. I just made it down to my car, so I gotta hang up."

"Ok, Baby. Have fun. I'll see you later."

"Thanks. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Ok. Bye, Sweetums," he said as he hung up.

"Bye, Baby," she replied before she set the phone down. She turned back to OGD. "Ok, OG. You have two choices. You can stay here and join Myrtle, Max, and me for girls' night, or you can hitch a ride with Myrtle's fiancé and pick out Christmas trees with the guys."

OGD stood up. "That ain't a hard choice. I owe Myrtle some money, so I'ma bounce."

Laura laughed. "Ok. I'll go see if Eric's left yet."

"I can't believe Myrtle lives across the hall."

"Neither can I. Now put your coat on," Laura ordered, walking across the hall. She knocked on the door, and Eric opened it immediately.

He smiled at her. "Hey! Merry Almost-Christmas, Laura!" he said in his southern drawl, hugging her quickly.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered, hugging him back. "Sorry to bug you, but I was wondering if you could drive Steve and Myrtle's cousin, OGD, with you to the tree lot."

"Sure. Why are we whispering?"

Laura chuckled. "Apparently, he owes Myrtle some money, so I figured I'd tell her he's in town when I had a glass of wine in front of me, not a half hour before."

Eric nodded. "Gotcha." He turned back slightly as he zipped his coat. "Ok, Baby. I'm heading out!" he called over his shoulder.

"Okaaaaay!" Myrtle called in a lilted tone from deep in the apartment. "Love you, Daddy!"

Laura cringed slightly at that pet name.

"Love you, too, Mama!" he called as he closed the door behind him. He noticed the look on Laura's face as he locked it. "What? We're just getting in the habit before the baby comes."

"Right," Laura nodded, raising her eyebrows. OGD stepped out of the apartment with his thin, old, worn out coat on. She smiled at him and looked back at Eric. "Eric, this is OGD."

Eric smiled and extended his hand. "Hey, Man. Eric Chambers."

OGD raised his eyebrows as he shook his hand. He looked at Laura in surprise. "This is the brotha who knocked up Myrtle?" he asked in surprise.

Laura elbowed him as Eric ripped his hand back. "Don't say it like that," Laura scolded.

Eric pursed his lips. "I am the man who is marrying your cousin, yes."

OGD grinned. "What happened? Had a little too much to drink and now you're starin' down the barrel of Big Daddy's shotgun?"

Eric glared at him. Then he looked back at Laura. "I really gotta take him with me?"

"He'll grow on you," she assured him before patting him on the back and heading back into the apartment to chill a bottle of wine.


	12. Chapter 12

Max and Laura were both on their second glass by the time Myrtle barged into Laura's apartment. "Oh, Lord!" she exclaimed. "My back is killin' me! My feet are killin' me! My whole body is killin' me, and for some reason, I can't drink!" She plopped down roughly in the chair beside Laura without so much as a hello.

Laura raised her eyebrows at Max as they both glanced sideways at her protruding belly. "Well, yeah, Girl. That's what happens when you have unprotected sex."

Max stifled a laugh as Myrtle glared at Laura. "Laura, I am not in the mood for this," she said flatly.

"Well, you don't have to stay," Max shrugged before Laura stepped hard on her foot. "Ow!"

Myrtle glared at Max. "Watch yourself, Man Thief."

Max chuckled. "I'm sorry, Myrtle. I don't mean to be short. I just… I'm kinda freaked out by staring at my future," she explained, gesturing to the baby in the very large, six-months-along bump.

Laura nodded at Max sympathetically. "Girl, me too."

"You're our first friend to go through this," Max added.

Myrtle relaxed slightly. "Yeah, well… Get used to it, because I need my girlfriends now more than ever," she said, grabbing their hands.

Laura squeezed her hand. "You're almost there, Honey," she promised.

Myrtle frowned. "Oh, sure. I'm almost past this part and onto the part where an alien tries to rip me apart as some quack pulls it out through my coochie with no support from my dead mama or my traitor of a father."

"But you'll have Eric," Max reminded her.

"Sure," Myrtle shrugged, "if he doesn't run for the hills before we get that far. Ladies, y'all need to prepare yourselves because pregnancy… is disgusting."

"Myrtle, c'mon," Laura frowned, trying to reassure herself more so than her cousin-in-law. "It's the miracle of life!"

Myrtle glared at her. "Some miracle! I know God is a man because no sista would do this to womankind!"

"It's been that bad?" Max asked.

"I toot more often and louder than a steamboat!" Myrtle whispered harshly. "The other night, Eric and I were… makin' whoopee, and I swear everytime he rammed his hips into me, my gas tank tried to blow him back off the bed! What man wants to stick around for that?"

Laura cringed as she thought about doing that while making love to Steve.

"But that's been goin' on for months! The new horror in my life we just discovered last night. Eric was sucklin' on my udders like I like, and something came out!" she whined.

Max furrowed her brow. "Well, yeah, Myrtle. Your body's gonna start makin' milk for the baby."

Myrtle shook her head gravely. "This wasn't the titty juice we're all used to, Darlin'. This was yellowish and so, so thick. It looked like a banana smoothie. Right into his mouth!"

Laura gagged a little in her mouth and tried to cover it up with a cough. She took a big swig of her wine.

"Apparently it's called colostrum. It's what comes in before your breast milk. It's all the baby needs for the first few days. And everyday I have to do these pelvic floor exercises because I pee a little bit every time I sneeze!"

Laura quickly finished her glass of wine and poured another. "Really?" she squeaked as she poured. Max quickly took the bottle from her and topped her glass off


	13. Chapter 13

When Steve got to the tree lot, he was the last to arrive. The lot was only a few blocks away from the Winslows' house which was much closer to their apartments than his job at ForWard. "Merry Christmas, Winslow men!" he exclaimed as he approached the group. He looked at Eric. "And my favorite male neighbor!" Then he noticed OGD, and his face fell. "And my 9th favorite cousin."

OGD glared at him. "There are only 10 of us," he complained.

"I said what I said," he shrugged.

"Man, c'mon!" OGD exclaimed.

"All right, fellas. Let's get it together," Carl scolded.

Steve pursed his lips. "Yeah. I'm lettin' you crash on my futon. Be nice."

"Laura's lettin' me," OGD corrected with an eye roll.

"Ok. Let's try it this way," Carl interrupted again. "Let's split up and scout for good trees. We need to walk out of here with four today, and that's not gonna be easy this close to Christmas. OG, you come with me. Steve, you go with Eddie. Eric, go wherever you won't get into a fight. It's Christmas, gentlemen, so act like it."

The men grumbled in agreement as they broke up into their small groups.

As Eddie and Steve walked away, Eddie turned to his brother-in-law. "Steve, are you good? You really went after OGD before he even opened his mouth."

Steve grew defensive, but then he exhaled as he realized Eddie was right. He had started that one. "I don't know, Eddo. Cornelius just… bothers me."

"Ok, but it's not like you to be that catty. You're usually so positive in the face of verbal and physical abuse."

Steve stared at him deadpan for a moment. "Sorry to disappoint," he said eventually.

"Hey, I'm just checkin' in. I mean, did he do something? Do I need to beat him up for pickin' on my little bro at Christmas?" Eddie offered, grabbing Steve's neck and giving him a noogie.

Steve laughed and snorted. It was a little embarrassing and a little emasculating, but he really appreciated the sentiment. He pushed him away. "No, Eddo, but thanks. I don't know what it is about him. I guess… It's like taking in a stray. Now, when we were kids, I took the stray puppy in over and over again. Then it'd bite me and run away. Now that I'm a grown-up, and there's a puppy at my door, I'm just waiting to get bit… Only this time, I think it's gonna be Laura."

"Why's that?"

"She's really invested in this. I just hope Laura doesn't catch rabies."


	14. Chapter 14

"We're in for the worst of it, you know?" Myrtle said to Laura.

"We are? Why?" she asked in concern, looking away from the birthing book Myrtle had brought over. In fact, she was relieved to have something else to look at as she turned to face Myrtle

"You seen any of Steve's baby pictures?"

"Yeah?" Laura acknowledged hesitantly.

"All Urkel babes are born with heads that size. Your babies are gonna rip you in half."

Laura was appalled. "What?!"

"Urkel hoo-has are built for it, but you poor gals who marry into this family... My mama tore from her coochie to her booty."

Max cackled loudly. "Dang, girl! You thought you were _so _lucky to play with that big dick? You shoulda known there'd be a catch."

Laura gasped and kicked her under the table. "Girl! That's private!" she hissed.

"Mmm, not that private," Myrtle corrected. "That's a family trait too. Comes with the big, ol' clown feet."

Laura looked back down at the birthing book. These women already looked like they were in excruciating pain. Now, she was being told that her delivery was going to worse than all of theirs? She was starting to feel a little woozy, but that could've been all the wine.

"And Steve wants a big family, too, doesn't he?" Max added with a smirk.

Laura glared at her and poured another glass.


	15. Chapter 15

"So… UPS, what brings you to town?" Carl asked as he and OGD began their hunt for trees.

"Man, c'mon!" OG complained with a wave of his hand. "If you ain't gonna call me by my name, I'd rather you call me Cornelius."

"Ok. Cornelius, what brings you to town?" he asked again.

"Not so loud, dawg!" he complained again. Carl laughed at him and waited for an answer. "I was seeing this girl, and then I started gettin' a lil' on the side, and I got caught red-handed with her cousin, so now I'm just hidin' out, waitin' for her to cool down, so that crazy bitch doesn't stab me."

Carl pursed his lips in annoyance at the language, but something else caught his attention. "Laura said it was her sister," Carl corrected with a raise of his eyebrow.

OGD paused. "I don't know what to tell ya, man. Close family. Know what I'm sayin'?"

Carl glared at him in disgust.

OGD took a deep breath and sighed. "Yo, man, if you already know, why you askin'?"

"Because I don't believe you. I've been a cop for decades, son. I can smell a lie through the phone. Why are you really here?"

OGD kept walking and didn't say anything for a long time.

Then Carl broke. "You in trouble again? I have a right to know if you're putting my daughter in a bad situation."

"No. I wouldn't do that to Laura. I'm not in any trouble," he said firmly.

Carl looked at him in surprise. "That's the first honest thing you've said tonight."

OGD pursed his lips. "Laura and Steve have always been good to me. I wouldn't put 'em in any real danger. I been on the straight and narrow for a while anyway."

"Then what are you hiding from, son?"

OGD paused and looked at a tree. He stared at it as he said to Carl, "Look, man. I'll tell you so you get off my back, but you can't tell no one else. I don't want 'em to know."

"What is it, Cornelius?" Carl prompted, looking at the same tree so OGD didn't feel his eyes on him.

"My… Uh… My grandma died."

Carl gasped. "What? When?"

"Just before I came down here. She been sick for a long time. I been takin' care of her pretty much since the last time I was here. Once you took care o' things with my man, Fresh Squeeze, I stopped livin' that life. I moved back in with my Grandma. I got a real job. I was workin' the gift shop at the DIA." He chuckled as he played with one of the branches in front of him. "'Round all the snobby white people all the time, sellin' 'em coffee mugs with a Rembrandt on the front. It was so lame, but Grandma was so proud." He smiled as he thought about. "She really thought that was how I was gonna turn my life around, get outta the city. Even if it was one of the shitty cities around Detroit, anything outta the D sounded good to her. She said she couldn't wait to be a burden on me… and my wife in a little ranch out in the 'burbs." His face fell. "Then she got sick. Real sick, real fast. It was the big C. She hid it from me for a while, but it spread fast, so when I noticed, I took her to the doctor. They gave her two months. She made it four. I quit my job to take care of her, even though she begged me not to. She finally passed Tuesday. We did a memorial service Thursday. We put her in the ground and then my girlfriend, who's real by the way, she hosted the luncheon. I crashed at her place that night. Then Friday morning, I drove out here. I jus' couldn't go back to my grandma's empty house. I didn't wanna spend the holidays alone, or with my girlfriend's family, or with anyone who knew that she was gone. I just wanted to spend the holidays with my family, or as much of my family as I could pull together. Steve's the only Urkel who still talks to me, so here I am."

"Cornelius," Carl said in that low, fatherly voice, "I'm so sor-"

"Nah, man," he interrupted. "C'mon. Don't. I don't wanna talk about it. I came down here so I wouldn't have to talk about it."

"Ok," Carl agreed, looking at him meaningfully as he avoided eye contact. "So we won't talk about it, but if you ever decide you wanna talk about it, I'm here for you."

"You should get this one," he suggested, pointing at the tree he'd been staring at. "It's nice."

Carl nodded. "Yeah. It is."


	16. Chapter16

"Myrtle, what are you getting Eric for Christmas?" Laura asked as she opened their third bottle of wine.

"A baby," she responded, grabbing another slice of pizza.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. What about you, Max?" Laura continued.

"Knock-off sneakers and Bulls tickets."

Laura thought for a moment. "Yeah, maybe I could do that. Get him an experience instead of a present."

"Girl," Max replied, "you could give Steve dirty laundry for Christmas, and he would be happy. Stop stressing."

"He does really enjoy washing my delicates," Laura giggled as she sat back on the couch.

"Oh, Lawd!" Myrtle complained. It was not fun being the only sober person in the room.

Max took the bottle of wine away from Laura. "Ok. You have officially had too much."

"It's Myrtle's fault," Laura complained, grabbing the bottle back.

"How is it my fault, you lush?!" Myrtle exclaimed.

Laura pouted. "You got me so nervous about all this childbirth stuff that I decided to drink until I was infertile."

"Not how that works," Max said, taking the bottle back.

Laura went to grab the bottle again, but then the door opened. She leapt up from the couch. "Steve!" she exclaimed as he walked through the door with a large bag tucked under his arm. She ran toward him, and he set the bag down just in time to catch her as she leapt into his arms.

"Woah!" he yelped as he caught her. "Hey there, Sugar Cookie. Someone's in a good mood, huh?"

Laura grinned as he set her down. She pressed her body up against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I am now that you're home, Candy Cane," she purred.

Steve felt a shiver run up and down his spine. "What's gotten into you?" he whispered as he noticed her odd demeanor.

"About two bottles of wine," she giggled.

Steve's eyes widened. "Oh, Sweetums. Why don't I get you some water, and you can go lie down?"

"How about I grab that third bottle, and we go lie down together?" she suggested.

Steve felt his member grow fully erect, and so did Laura.

She wiggled against him. "Mmm… I think the Grinch's dick just grew three sizes," she whispered in his ear.

"Laura!" he exclaimed. He grabbed her shoulders firmly and pushed her back. "Honey Buns, I'm gonna set up the tree!"

Laura pouted. "Fine," she frowned. She stepped away just as Eric and OGD walked into the apartment.

Steve picked up the small bag and began to pull out their tiny tree.

"Eric! OGD!" She ran to where they were standing in the door and hugged them both.

Eric pulled away quickly as he noticed Myrtle glaring at him. OGD wasn't quite so innocent.

"Cornelius!" Steve barked as his cousin got lost in the moment.

OGD put his hands up and released her.

Laura stepped back, giggling. "Your name's Cornelius," she teased, pushing him gently.

OGD grinned. "I have never seen this side of you."

"There's a lot of sides of me you've never seen," she teased, "not that you'll ever get to."

"Oooookaaay!" Max exclaimed. "Laura, say goodnight to Eric and Myrtle. They're going across the hall now."

Laura leaned into Max's neck and pouted. "Noooooo! Don't go!"

Eric helped Myrtle to her feet. "We have to, Darlin'," Myrtle said, patting Laura on the shoulder. She glared at OGD on her way out the door. "And you! Don't you think I've forgotten 'bout all that money you owe me," she hollered before slamming the door behind her.

Max rubbed Laura's back gently. "Why don't I put you to bed?" Max suggested, looking at Steve in concern. He was starting to look a little perturbed with flirty, drunken Laura.

"Noooo," Laura frowned. "I'm not done havin' fun!" she slurred. She stumbled back to the couch and picked up her glass of wine. She took a sip and finally noticed what Steve was doing. "Is that our tree?" she demanded.

Steve glanced at her. "Yeah," he nodded.

"Why's it so little?" Laura pouted, looking at the full, green, three-foot tree.

Steve frowned, concerned he had disappointed her. "Well, I drove the Isetta, Dear, so I couldn't get anything too big. Do you hate it?"

Laura smiled sweetly. "No, it's cute," she cooed, "like you."

Steve grinned back at her shyly.

OGD took a seat by Laura and poured himself a glass of wine.

When Steve finally had the tree standing, Max tapped his shoulder.

"Hey," she said softly, stepping close to him so they could speak privately.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry about her. I shouldn't've let her drink that much," Max said.

Steve shrugged. "That's not your job."

"Don't be too disappointed in her. Myrtle was talking about pregnancy stuff, and Laura got really freaked out. Otherwise, I'm sure she wouldn't've indulged so much."

"Oh," Steve said, furrowing his brow. "What kinda pregnancy stuff?"

Max put her hand up. "I do not want to relive that. I'm gonna head out, if you've got everything under control here."

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "Thanks, Max. You're good to drive?"

"Yeah. Thanks." She hugged Steve. "See you on Christmas Eve," she smiled.

Steve smiled back. As Eddie's date, she was coming over for Christmas Eve for the first time. "See you then!" he grinned.

Steve turned back to Laura and OGD on the sofa once Max was out the door.

"You're so much fun," Laura laughed, hitting OGD on the chest harder than she meant to. "I never get to let out my hood side anymore like I do with you."

OGD dabbed at the wine she had spilled on his shirt with a napkin. "Steve don't mind your hood side," he reminded her.

She looked back at Steve. He was looking at her like he was about to give her detention. "Yes, he does," she whined.

Steve rolled his eyes. He sat on the other side of her. "Sweetums, that's not true."

"Yes, it is!" she complained. "You don't like clubs. You don't like the clothes I wear clubbing. You don't like that kinda music. You just like it when we stay home and read. We might as well be from Vermont. You want me to have six babies and stay home in our Vermont log cabin to raise them and wash your drawers."

Steve frowned at her, but OGD jumped in before he could respond. "Steve, don't start an argument with a drunk woman," he warned.

Laura scoffed. "I'm not drunk! I'm just… happy," she giggled.

Steve raised his eyebrows and nodded knowingly at OGD. "You know what, Sweetheart... Why don't you and I go to bed and talk about this in the morning?"

Laura thought about it for a moment. Then she smiled at him seductively. "You said, 'bed,' but you never said, 'sleep'!" she exclaimed, standing quickly and grabbing his hand. She began to drag him back to the bedroom.

"Dream Cake, slow down!" Steve ordered.

She released his hand and turned to look back at him. "I'm going to bed," she announced. Then she walked back to their room, her hips swinging seductively in rhythm with her slow stride.

Steve looked back at OGD. "Quit staring," he scolded.

OGD kept his eyes trained on Laura's booty until she had closed the door behind her. "You heard the woman. Get back there!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "I can't do... anything with her like that! I'll give her five minutes, and she'll probably pass out."

"Brother, she is your wife, and she made it perfectly clear what she want. You don't have to deny yourself so long as she conscious. Not like you a stranger."

Steve stared longingly at the door. "No, it's still weird."

"What a shame," he complained.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Good night, Cornelius," he said, walking back toward the bedroom.

"Night."


	17. Chapter17

Steve slipped in quietly and closed the door behind him. He heard the water running. He exhaled as he concluded that Laura was running through her nightly routine, and that meant it was time to go to sleep, not just to bed. He walked over to their closet and stepped inside. He stripped down to his boxers and pulled his pajamas out of the dresser. He slipped them on and walked back out to the bedroom just as Laura stepped out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Baby," she grinned.

"Hi, Sweetie," he smiled back.

She climbed onto the bed on all fours. "I brushed my teeth since you hate the taste of wine," she explained, crawling toward him slowly.

Steve nodded. "You should always brush your teeth before you go to sleep," he added uncomfortably, noticing the way she was prowling toward him.

She bit her lip as she reached the edge of the bed. "Who said anything about sleepin'?" she grinned, kneeling on the bed and reaching out for his belt. She slipped one finger into the waist of his trousers and yanked him close to her.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed as he was thrust forward.

She grinned up at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him deeply.

"Mmmm…" he moaned into her mouth. He got lost for a moment as their tongues danced, but then he remembered why this was a bad idea as her hand grabbed his groin with much less grace than she had when she was sober. "Whoa there, Sailor," he exclaimed, ripping his body away from her.

"What's wrong?" she frowned, sitting back on her feet.

Steve stayed far back from their bed to avoid temptation. "Sweetums, why don't we just try to get some sleep?" he asked, knowing that the balloon inflating in his pants would never let him do that.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Now, why on Earth would you wanna do that when that monster in your pants is trying so hard to break free?" she asked, standing from the bed and swaying toward him on her unsteady feet.

Steve stepped back and moved around her quickly. He dove for the bed and rolled off of it, hopping up on the other side. Laura looked at him in shock.

Feeling confident with the bed between them, he stood up straight again. "It's not a monster," he corrected. "It's a part of my body that I can control with my respectful, critically-thinking brain."

Laura was too drunk for this conversation. "What?"

Steve frowned. "Laura Lee, I can't make love to you when you're this drunk."

Laura's jaw dropped. "Seriously? Steve, I'm conscious, standing, and practically begging for it. What's the problem?"

Steve swallowed hard. Those were good points, but it wasn't enough for him. "Laura, I am a gentleman. If you're too drunk to drive, you're too drunk to consent."

Laura rolled her eyes, not realizing she may have handled his discomfort with a little bit more finesse had she had a clearer brain that night. "You didn't mind having drunk sex with me on my birthday weekend," she countered.

"We were both drunk," he reminded her, "and you know we were too drunk to actually... go all the way that night."

Laura frowned. Technically, that was correct.

"It's different when I'm completely sober, Love Bug. I don't wanna take advantage."

Laura walked around the bed to him again. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and began to kiss his neck before he could pull away. "It's not taking advantage," she whispered in his ear between kisses. "I just wanna do something we've done a million times before and are gonna do a million more times."

She continued to kiss his favorite spot on his neck, but he refused to embrace her, as much as he was dying to. "But you're drunk," he whimpered, in an effort to continue to resist her.

She pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye. "I am. I am so wasted," she giggled, "but I want you, Steve, and I know you want me too." She pressed her body against him to feel his erection poking into her again. "I know you do. It's not like it was the night of that frat party. That would've been taking advantage. This is different. You see that this is different, right? Doesn't it feel different?"

Steve finally wrapped his arms around her. "Yes."

She smiled brightly and kissed his neck again. "If I hadn't passed out that night, you might've found yourself in a very similar predicament," she giggled.

Steve looked at her in surprise. "No! You wouldn't have… tried anything?"

Laura stepped back and sat on the bed. "I don't know," she shrugged. "Maybe."

"You were a virgin!" he reminded her, sitting beside her on the bed.

"I know," she nodded.

"You were technically with Stefan! You wouldn't have made a move on me!"

"I was thinking about it," she shrugged.

"You were not!"

"I was! At first, I was just thinking about how badly I wanted to piss off Stefan. Then I started thinking about how badly I wanted to kiss you again. That auction had been haunting my dreams," she purred, biting her lip, "but then when we kissed… Something just exploded in me, like someone had poured gas on the little flame that'd been in my heart since the auction, and I wanted to know what it would be like to… be with you."

"Noooooo," he exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes," she said firmly. "I remembered how hot you looked naked, and I started thinking about good it would feel to finally get a big, hard… dick inside of me."

Steve shuttered noticeably.

"And how happy you would be if it was yours," she purred, leaning into his neck to kiss him again.

Steve's arm wrapped around her waist and he gripped her butt. "You know I wouldn't have let you that night no matter what you did, right?"

"I know," she whispered, nodding against him, "but tonight feels different, right?"

"Yes," he admitted.

"I'm gonna take off my clothes now," she narrated, standing from the bed. She stood in front of him, raised her sweater over her head, and tossed it aside. He stared at her intently as she revealed her bra to him. It was thin, and the lace was transparent. The underwire held everything in place, but the black fabric did little to conceal her breasts. She let him stare for a long moment, and then she unbuttoned her jeans. She slid them down her legs and stepped out of them. Steve licked his lips as he saw her see-through, almost-matching panties. He looked back in her eyes as she sat in his lap. "I may be drunk," she whispered in his ear as she started to unbutton his shirt, "but I know what I want."

Steve wrapped his arms around her and unhooked her bra. "I can't believe that it's me."

She smiled as she slipped her bra straps off her shoulders. As he tossed it to the ground, she placed her hands on his cheeks. "Get used to it, Baby," she cooed, leaning in to kiss him.

"Mmmm…" he moaned. Then he felt her hands on his chest. She pushed him hard and fell back onto his back. "Wahhh!" he exclaimed.

She leaned over him and continued to unbutton his shirt. "God, I'm so wet," she whined loudly.

He smiled up at her excitedly.

"Feel," she instructed, taking his hand and placing it on her womanhood.

He stroked her gently.

"Feel how wet my panties are?" she asked. "Thinking about you gets me so wet."

Steve pushed her back on the bed, and she giggled as she landed. He grabbed her panties quickly and yanked them down her legs. He quickly stripped down to his birthday suit and leaned over her. He leaned close to her face and stared at her. "How long have you been thinking about this tonight?" he asked softly.

She smiled slyly. "Since I went to Victoria's Secret this afternoon," she purred.

Steve's brow furrowed. "You bought something naughty today?" he asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she teased.

"No, Babycakes, I'm seriously asking."

"Yeah," she said, growing confused. "For Christmas."

"Didn't you go to the mall with OGD today?"

"Well," she hesitated, "yeah."

Steve glared at her. "Was he with you in that store?"

"Yeah," she admitted, looking away from his accusing eyes.

"Laura!" Steve exclaimed.

"It wasn't a big deal. He didn't follow me into the dressing room or anything!"

"It is a big deal! You can't go lingerie shopping with people who aren't me!" he squeaked, his voice getting higher as he grew upset.

"I go there with Max all the time!"

"That's different!"

"No, it's not! Max and I are more likely to fall in love than me and OGD," Laura joked. She chuckled slightly, but he didn't laugh. "Oh, c'mon," she complained. "Don't let this ruin our night."

"Did he see what you bought?"

"No," Laura said firmly.

"Was he… creepy while you were there? Do I have to say something to him?"

"No," she said again. "No, Baby, just forget about it. All that matters is that I went out today to buy you a sexy Christmas gift, and I found something that I know you'll like. I was only thinking about you today, Baby," she continued sweetly, "and that's why I'm so wet."

Steve chuckled at the shift of tone at the end of her explanation. "How many times are you gonna say that word?" he smiled uncomfortably.

Laura grinned at him flirtatiously. "Well, that depends. How long 'til I get what I want?"

Steve shook his head at her and ran his right hand down her body. "You are such a bad girl," he scolded.

"Only for you," she whispered as he began to rub her clit. "Mmm," she purred. She reached down to his hand and pushed it slightly lower. "No. Finger me. I need you inside me," she instructed, helping him slide two fingers into her entrance.

"Oh, gosh," he breathed as he really began to understand how ready she was for him. He stroked her insides quickly for a few moments, and then he pulled away. He climbed on top of her and began to slide his tongue down her body, stopping to tickle her belly button.

She pushed him away and sat up. "No, Baby. I can't wait. Just take me," she demanded, getting up on all fours and presenting her backside to him.

"You sure you don't want me to make you… happy first?"

"No," she said firmly. "Take me." She wiggled her booty again and lowered her top half to rest on her elbows, making her butt stick out further.

He guided his member to her entrance and hesitated. Just a few moments ago he had been so sure this was a bad idea.

After OGD had finished his glass of wine, he moved into the office and went to bed. This day had been long enough after having to admit things to Carl he had planned to keep hidden at least until he was heading back home. His plan to not think about it at all in Chicago had failed, so the next logical step seemed to be to at least stop thinking about it tonight. The only way he knew how to do that was to sleep, not that he was sleeping much at all lately.

Just as he settled in and relaxed on the futon, he heard Laura yell out. He sat up, immediately concerned, and then his brain processed what he was really hearing.

"OH, STEEEEEVE!" she cried.

OGD raised his eyebrows at the door beside his makeshift bed. The crack below the door was still glowing. The lights were still bright in their room. He chuckled to himself. He would've thought Steve would only be willing to do that in the dark.

"Oh, Steve! Yes! Yes! Yes! Baby, harder!" she cried.

OGD could hear her panting too. She sounded just as sexy as he had imagined she would, and he had certainly spent some time imagining it since they had met.

He was rudely awakened from that fantasy as Steve changed his pace. Only then could OGD hear something else over Laura's titillating moans. The headboard began to rattle with Steve's powerful thrusts, echoing into the adjoining second bedroom. Then Steve started to grunt.

Steve would grunt. "Unh!"

The headboard would rattle. Squeak.

And Laura would moan. "Ohhh, yeah."

Horrified by the sounds of Steve's nasally voice in pleasure, OGD quickly collapsed to the futon and pulled a pillow over his ear. Though it muffled the sounds, he could still hear it.

"Mmh!"

Squeak.

"Oooooo…"

"HUUUNH!"

SQUEAK.

"Steve…"

OGD shot out of bed. He grabbed the pillow and blanket from the futon and rushed out of the office. He plopped onto the couch and could still hear them, though not as clearly. He turned on the TV.

"Uh, yeah! Uh, yeah! Uh, yeah!" Steve was screeching as OGD pressed firmly on the volume button and slowly drowned them out. When he couldn't hear them anymore, he lay down on the couch and quickly fell asleep. At least he wasn't thinking about his Grandma anymore.

A while later, Steve was teetering on the edge. He had a firm grip on Laura's hips and he was yanking her back into him over and over again. He was biting his lip hard to resist the urge, but she looked and sounded so sexy.

His eyes locked on her booty. He watched it shake and jiggle with his every thrust. He heard his hips slapping against it again and again. Most importantly, he heard her voice. He thought she was normally pretty vocal in bed, but when she was drunk, she sounded like every dirty movie he'd heard through the door back when he used to share a room with Eddie. Back then, he used to run from those sounds, but now, coming out of his wife as he was making love to her, he could finally appreciate it. "Baby…" he groaned. "Laura, Baby Girl, I'm gonna come." His voice hitched on that last word. He was almost there. Almost there. Almost-

"Don't come inside!" she ordered suddenly.

Steve's eyes widened. "Wha-whaaat?" he asked, barely aware enough to follow-up.

"Pull out," she demanded as he continued to thrust into her. "Pull out. Don't come inside me."

"Why not?" he exclaimed, surprised and a little disappointed. That was one of his favorite parts.

"I don't wanna get pregnant," she pouted.

"You're… You're on birth control," he reminded her, resisting his increasing needs.

"Don't come inside me, Baby. Please.," she begged.

Steve didn't stop, but he slowed down his thrusting hips. "Where should I… Unnnnh… Where do you want it?"

Laura wiggled forward out of his grip and forced him out of her. "Come on my booty," she suggested.

Steve was too close to argue. He gripped his member, stroked himself twice, and began to come. "LAURAAAA!" he cried as his body shook and spasmed. He squirted her once on her left butt cheek, then again on her right, then a little on her thigh. Then he got ahold of himself and aimed a little where he had really wanted it to be - between her legs. When he was completely done, he leaned forward, panting heavily. He wanted to collapse on top of her, but he didn't want to land in a pile of his own goo. He collapsed at her side.

She turned her head to meet his eyes as he landed on his pillow beside her. She smiled at him, but she didn't say anything. Her eyes were growing heavy.

He stared at her for a long moment, still breathing like he'd just run a marathon. He reached out to her and placed a hand her butt. He felt his warm, sticky cum on her skin, mixing with her delicious sweat. He moved closer to her and kissed her lips gently. When they broke apart, he cleared his throat. "Lemme get you a towel," he suggested.

"No," she said, grabbing his shoulder before he could sit up. "No. Let's just get some sleep."

Steve's brow furrowed. "But you didn't get to finish."

She shook her head. "No, Baby. It's fine. Don't worry about it. You made me feel soo good, but now I'm soooo tired." She stroked his chest gently.

Steve nodded and took off his glasses. "Ok. Whatever you want, Sweetheart." He moved closer and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her softly and let her nuzzle against him.

"Night, Baby," she whispered.

"Good night, my dear. I love you."

"Love you, too," she slurred.

Steve was left shocked by how quickly she fell asleep.


	18. Chapter18

The next morning, before Laura even opened her eyes, she was convinced she was sleeping on the surface of the sun. How could any room be so bright with her eyes still shut? She turned away from the window and slowly opened her eyes. "Mmmmm…" she whimpered softly in pain.

Once she had adjusted to the pain, the first things to catch her eye were the eight glasses of ice water sitting on her nightstand beside a plate of whole-wheat toast. She rested for a couple of moments, and then she forced herself to sit up and chug one of the glasses. When she set it back down, she finally noticed the note on the nightstand. She picked it up and squinted to read it comfortably in the bright light.

"Good morning, my sweet Laura,

I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but I thought you'd need the extra couple of hours of sleep, angel. I hope you're feeling ok. I left lots of water for you to help you rehydrate and some toast to help soak up some of the yucky stuff in your tummy. I also told OGD to go easy on you today. Drink, eat, and take a bubble bath. I hope all of that helps.

Take care, Lovely. Call me if you need ANYTHING.

All my love,

Steve

P.S. Make sure you wash that perfect bottom of yours. It got a little messy last night.

xoxo"

Suddenly, Laura could remember last night, and the pain was washed away by embarrassment. She'd made a fool of herself in front of her friends, her neighbors, her husband's family, and worst of all, her husband. She began to down another glass of water as she realized she owed Steve an apology, and Myrtle a good kick in the behind.


	19. Chapter19

OGD didn't see Laura until 10:30 AM, and she still wasn't looking so hot. He laughed the moment he saw the expression on her face. "Damn, Girl, you look like this is your first hangover."

"Not so loud," she whined, placing a hand on the kitchen counter to support her as she hobbled in. "Close to it," she said. "I don't drink much, and I rarely drink like that, so I can count on one hand the number of times I've felt like this."

"Not me," he chuckled.

Laura filled another glass with water from the tap and began to sip it. "Listen, OG," she began, "I'm sorry about last night. I know I was a little… flirty and silly and… drunk. I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed."

He grinned smugly. "Don't worry 'bout it. It was nice to see that side of you. I knew it was in there, but it was nice to see that you ain't so perfect. Plus, wasted-you was kinda cute."

Laura nodded. "Thanks," she shrugged. She finished her glass and refilled it. Then she began to slowly make her way to the couch. She sat down, and he quickly plopped down beside her.

"You're loud, though. When you're drunk."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her brain not clear enough to really process much of what he was saying.

"Oh, Steve! Yes! Yes! Yes!" he cried in a whiny, high-pitched voice.

Laura glared at him. "That's not funny," she growled.

"I ain't kiddin'. You loud when you drunk. Nothin' to be ashamed of. It was sexy."

Laura continued to glare at him, growing angry. "I meant it's not funny to joke about hearing us. That's not funny."

"It's no joke. I did hear you!" Then he cringed. "And Steve." He shuttered.

She grabbed a pillow from beside her and hit him hard in the face. "Stop lying!" she yelled, cringing slightly because of her hangover.

He stole the pillow from her and tossed it to the ground. "I'm not lyin', but I was a perfect gentleman. I swear. As soon as I heard you, I came out to the couch and pumped up the volume on the tv to drown you out."

Laura stared at him, gauging his sincerity. "Oh, my God. I can't believe you heard us. Steve is gonna be so mad," she complained, sinking further into the couch.

"At me?"

"No, at me. He likes to keep that kinda stuff private, and I'm not always great at that."

"He's gonna take it out on me though, isn't he?"

"Probably," she said. Laura looked at OGD. "Listen, I have to run up to his office for lunch to apologize. Will you be alright here alone?"

"Yeah," he shrugged.

Laura nodded and stood. She walked slowly back to the bedroom to get ready.


	20. Chapter20

By the time Laura got to ForWard, she was feeling much better. She definitely looked much better. It was December and very cold, so she was wearing a tight, yellow sweater dress. Underneath, she wore dark tights and high boots. All of this was tucked under her nice, new peacoat. She walked into the lobby and moved to the elevators. She knew the way to Steve's lab easily by now.

She made it to Lab 8 and buzzed at the door. An intern answered. "Hello?" he asked nervously, not making eye contact with her.

"Hi, I'm here to see Steve Urkel."

The intern nodded and closed the door, going to find Steve.

Harold was the next person to open the door, however, not Steve as she'd expected. "Hi, Laura," Harold nodded to her, smiling nervously.

"Hi, Harold. How are you?" she asked.

"I'm ok. I-I've met someone."

Laura's smile relaxed once she realized he most likely wasn't going to hit on her. "Really? That's great."

"I'm bringing her to the Christmas party."

"I can't wait to meet her," she said sincerely. "Is Steve available? I was hoping he and I could have lunch together."

"I'll check," he nodded, closing the door in her face again. They were so secretive about what was in the lab, as if Steve didn't come home and tell her all about it anyway!

Finally, Steve opened the door and stepped out into the corridor with her. "Laura Lee!" he exclaimed. "To what do I owe this extreme pleasure?"

"I was hoping we could have lunch, and I could apologize for my behavior yesterday."

Steve smiled softly. "No apology needed, but I would love to have lunch with you. Lemme grab my coat."

She nodded and waited impatiently until Steve came back a moment later, sporting the trench coat she'd picked out for him before the first snow of the year. She couldn't stand the thought of him wearing one of his ridiculous winter coats over the nice suits they'd picked out when he was first looking for jobs and when he'd actually gotten one. He looked great in it, too. There was only one problem.

"I hate this coat," he complained as he slipped it on and began to walk with her.

"You look so good in it though," she pouted.

"But it's freezing! It's way too thin."

"I'm sorry, Baby," she frowned, "but how do you think I feel? None of the clothes I wear are warm enough for this weather. Beauty is pain, my love."

Steve laughed and snorted. "Let's take a cab to lunch, ok? We'll never find a parking spot if you leave the structure."

"Ok," she agreed.

As they stepped outside, he grabbed her and kissed her deeply. "Sorry," he said. "I've been dying to do that, but it's not appropriate in the workplace."

Laura smiled and placed her hands on his cheeks. She pulled him in for a deeper, more passionate kiss. "Don't apologize for that," she purred as she let go.

He took her hand and led her to the corner where they hailed a cab.


	21. Chapter21

They went simple and found a cute, little deli a few blocks over based on a recommendation Wes had made to Steve a few weeks ago. They put their orders in at the counter. Steve held Laura close as they waited. He almost never got to see her during his work day, and he was savoring every second of it. When their orders came up, he carried them both to a little table in the back corner of the restaurant. They made a little small talk before Laura finally said. "Steve, about last night."

"No," he said firmly. "Laura, I don't care about last night. You got a little silly. It's no big deal. No harm done."

"I got a little flirty," she pouted, "and I'm sorry."

"You weren't even that flirty! I've seen worse from you with a few drinks in your system, though in my experience, I've usually been on the receiving end," he teased proudly.

"You were for most of last night, too!" Laura looked down at her plate in embarrassment. "I'm still sorry. You know I don't drink like that often. It's just… Myrtle was talking about pregnancy stuff, and it really freaked me out, so I just… kept drinking."

Steve took a deep breath and grabbed her hand across the table. "I'm glad you're here, Love Bug. If we need to talk about anything, it's that. What did she say that scared you so much?"

"It's not important," she said, not wanting to repeat all the nasty stuff she'd heard last night.

"Yes, it is! Laura, I wanna have a baby someday soon. That's never gonna happen if my kooky cousin has managed to completely terrify you."

"Soon?" Laura repeated nervously.

"Tell me what she said, Sweetums, so I can make it all go away!"

Laura looked around the deli nervously. This wasn't exactly dinner table conversation. "Ok… Like, for example, she's like… really gassy, I guess, and apparently, she's… especially gassy when they… Well, you know..."

"When they eat spicy food?" he offered innocently.

"No, Honey, when they… have sex."

"Oh," he said simply. "Well, that's no big deal."

"It's gross," Laura pressed.

Steve chuckled to himself. "Honeybuns," he began, "we've been married for seven months now. You have to know I've heard you… blow off a little steam."

Laura scoffed slightly. "I know that, but it's gross, and I don't wanna be doing that when we're making love."

Steve chuckled and reached for her hand. "Like I said, no big deal." He stroked her soft skin with his thumb. "I will think you're sexy no matter what comes out of you in bed."

Laura cringed. "It wasn't just that. She went on and on about all the gross things happening to her body, and I just couldn't deal, hence the drinking."

"Ok. So pregnancy is a little gross. So what? It's the miracle of life! It's worth it!"

"Well, for you maybe! It's not your miracle!"

"What?"

"It's not your body! And it's not just gross. She showed us a book on birthing, and she told me that all my babies are gonna have giant, Urkel-baby heads and that my coochie's gonna tear all the way to my booty, and-"

"Hey," Steve interrupted. "Hey, relax. You're being silly."

Laura's brow furrowed in offense. "Excuse me?"

"No," Steve said, growing flustered, "I just mean, this is a little ways off. You don't need to work yourself up this much over it."

"I told you we didn't need to talk about this."

"No, I'm glad we're talking about it. I just don't want you to have a panic attack in the middle of this deli, so take a breath. We're not there yet, so relax."

Laura nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. It's just… You should've seen the pictures."

"Baby, I've seen video! I don't need the pictures!"

"You've seen a birth on video?!"

"Laura, I'm in upper-level bio classes. I've seen more than one."

Laura was suddenly extremely grateful that she was studying in the humanities. "Was it horrible?"

"No, Sweetheart. Did you get to the end of Myrtle's book? There is a lot of yelling and screaming and crying, but at the end of it, they put a baby in the mom's arms, and she smiles this amazing smile. It's all worth it to her in the end, and I know it's gonna be worth it to you too."

Laura looked away. "What if it's not?"

Steve swallowed hard and pulled his hand back. "Laura, are you not sure if you wanna have children with me?"

Laura was surprised he managed to ask her that question pointblank. She looked back at him. She looked at his big, brown eyes now suddenly filled with worry. She imagined them on a baby. Then she added his dimples. Then an oversized pair of glasses. She couldn't help but smile softly. "It's not that," she promised, grabbing his hand again between both of hers. She squeezed it tightly. "You and I will make such amazing babies. It's just a matter of timing."

Steve took a deep breath and sighed. "I know, and I'm willing to wait, but last night… You were so freaked out that you wouldn't let me…". He couldn't even say it. Not in public like this anyway.

"I know. I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking clearly. That was silly. I'm on the pill for a reason. I won't do that to you again…. Unless we wanna," she grinned flirtatiously.

Steve looked down at the table nervously. "You're that scared of an accident?"

"I mean… Not usually because I know we're safe, but last night I was definitely nervous."

Steve nodded. "I know we're safe, but nothing is 100% safe, so… What if we have an accident?"

Laura pursed her lips. "It's not gonna happen, Steve," she said firmly.

"But if it did?" he pressed.

"It won't, but if it did," she said, "we'd do what he had to do."

Steve nodded. That answer satisfied both of them, but it was certainly vague enough to leave room for some miscommunication. Neither of them seemed concerned by that. "If I could, I would do it for you," he said softly.

"Do what?"

"Be pregnant, carry our babies, give birth."

"What?" she laughed.

"I'm serious! If I could do all the hard stuff so you wouldn't have to, I would! Like the mighty seahorse."

"What?" she laughed again, only growing more confused.

"The male seahorse carries and births the babies from his pouch," he explained.

"And you would do that if you could?" she asked laughing.

"Abso-tutle-outley!" he exclaimed.


	22. Chapter22

That night, Laura and Steve were surprised that Carl insisted on taking OGD out for dinner, but they didn't argue. It gave them time to decorate their tree in peace.

They both excitedly pulled out the few Christmas decorations they had bought this year for their very first tree and started to unbox them. Laura laughed as she noticed Steve's decorations. He had a few cheese ornaments, a few test tubes filled with glitter, a cuckoo clock and some polka instruments, and a couple of packages of red, plaid bulbs. Laura's decorations, of course, were the total opposite. They were homey, but they were still very stylish, modern, and classy. As Steve wrapped the tiny, white lights around their tree, she spoke, "I was worried we wouldn't have enough ornaments for a tree, but it looks like we have too many for this tiny one."

"Do you want a bigger one?" he asked, freezing suddenly. "I'll go get us one right now!"

"No," Laura chuckled, "I love it, and I love you."

He smiled and relaxed, continuing to drape the lights over the branches. "I love you too," he replied.

As they continued to decorate their tree, Laura sang along softly to the Christmas music in the background. Steve listened to her closely, entranced by her sweet voice.

They finished quickly because their tree was so small. He sat down in front of it and pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and looked at the tree. "Merry Christmas, my love."

"Merry Christmas, Baby," she whispered, turning back to kiss him deeply. As she let go of his face, she turned back to the tree. "We don't have a star," she pouted.

"I assumed you'd want to pick one out."

"I tried," she said. "I couldn't find one I liked.

"Hmmmm…" Steve mumbled, pausing. "Hang on!" he exclaimed, pushing her off of his lap and standing quickly.

She smiled as she realized he had an idea and was going to fix their little problem with ease. It was nice to be married to a genius.

He came back from the study a few moments later. "Now, this isn't a permanent solution, but it'll work for now," he explained, blocking her view of the tree until he was done attaching their new tree topper. "Tada!" he cheered, stepping away to reveal his work.

"Oh, my God," she gasped, moving closer to the tree. "How old are we in this picture?" she cooed.

He smiled proudly. "This was our Christmas pageant in kindergarten, so we had just turned 6."

"Wow," she smiled. "I had totally forgotten about that. Look at that pout on my face!" She chuckled at her former self.

"Of course you were pouting! You got stuck with me as your dance partner when we sang The Christmas Waltz because of the darn alphabet!"

"I love this," she said softly.

Steve sat beside her again and pulled her back into his lap. "I love you, my little, Christmas angel."

"I love you too," she whispered, leaning back into him.


	23. Chapter23

When Steve got home Wednesday night, he knocked on the door.

"Cornelius, could you get that?" Laura asked as she taped up her last present, excluding the imaginary one she'd yet to find for Steve.

OGD stood up and went to the door. He opened it wide, only to be greeted by the sight of a large, bright red poinsettia. He raised his eyebrows. He couldn't see who was behind the large, potted plant, but it wasn't hard to guess.

"Poinsettia delivery for Mrs. Laura Lee Urkel!" Steve chirped. Without looking, he lowered the flowers below his face with his eyes closed and leaned in for a kiss.

OGD jumped back dramatically. "Bro, whatchou think you doin'?"

Steve's eyes popped open, though he remained bent over. "Oops. Obviously, this pucker wasn't meant for you!" he explained pointing at his lips.

Laura laughed at the freakshow at the door. She shook her head and walked over to accept the plant. "Thank you, Baby," she cooed, taking the poinsettia and puckering her lips for the kiss she'd almost lost to OGD.

"You're welcome, Beautiful. Are you almost ready to go? We have to leave in exactly 97 minutes," he warned her nervously.

Laura set the plant on the counter and turned back to him. "Steve, I'm wearing jeans and no shoes. Do I look ready for a black-tie event?" she questioned.

"I thought it was a fashion statement. You know I don't know these things."

Laura laughed and shook her head at him. She moved back to the table to grab her wrapping supplies and began to clean up. "I will be ready to go in 95 minutes, ok?"

"Ok," he nodded. "I'm sorry, Mistletoe. I'm just nervous."

"Where are you guys goin'?"

"My company throws a huge, company-wide blacktie event the day before Christmas Eve every year. This is my first year at the company, so it's my first one. I just don't wanna mess it up," Steve explained to OGD.

"It'll be fine, Steve. You'll walk in sporting a perfectly tailored tux with your gorgeous wife on your arm. You'll keep the accidents to a minimum and the boring white people jokes to a maximum, and you'll blow everyone away," she promised.

Steve smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you, Sugar Plum."

"I'm gonna go get ready," she said softly, leaning in to kiss Steve.

OGD, standing right next to Steve, puckered up beside him, only to be rightfully snubbed. As Laura left the room, Steve saw the pucker on his cousin's lips and elbowed him in the gut. "Stop that!" he scolded.

OGD chuckled and brushed off the gentle scolding with ease. "So… can I come?"

Steve glared at him. "No!"


	24. Chapter24

When Laura stepped out of the bathroom a mere 90 minutes later, she was greeted by the sight of her man in a fabulous tux, waiting for her by the front door. "Mmm… Look at you in that formal wear!" she exclaimed. "I do love a man in a tux," she purred, stroking her hand down his chest as she cosied up to him.

He looked her up and down. She looked extraordinary. He loved that they had an opportunity to dress this well. She loved clothes, hair, and makeup, and he was proud to give her a chance to show off her style and her natural beauty. It was a chance he knew she had gotten more often with Stefan, so telling her she had to go out and buy a floor-length gown had left them both giddy for days, but this was the first time she had let him see it. She had wanted it to be a surprise. He knew she was going to look amazing, but he hadn't expected anything this elaborate. Her gown was a deep, burgundy color. The body was tight and hugged her curves with crushed velvet. There was a slit that went far too high on her thigh, but Steve didn't expect anyone to notice as their attention was sure to be on her bust. The crushed velvet ended in a deep, sweetheart neckline, transitioning into a nearly invisible lace that covered her neckline. One wouldn't have been able to see it at all save for the glittery, floral detailing that almost appeared to be painted onto her skin. Steve had expected her to look like a supermodel, but instead, she looked like a Christmas angel.

Steve's silence was broken with no regard to their romantic moment by OGD who was seated on the couch with a bag of chips at his side. "DAMN, GIRL. That dress is fire."

Steve glared at him. "Is that all you have to say about it? Look at her, man! She's breathtaking!" he exclaimed.

Laura laughed. "Calm down, Baby. We're trying to get him to hit on me less, remember?"

"Yeah, I'd be happy to say a lil somethin' somethin' 'bout this big booty that I'm starin' at, but I didn't think it would be appreciated."

Laura turned around quickly so that her butt was facing away from him. "OGD!" she scolded.

Steve glared at his cousin for a moment, but then he couldn't help but notice her backside. Her dress was backless, or it appeared to be as it was covered in the same glittery detailing which trailed down so low it was amazing her butt was covered at all, though Steve was certainly glad it was. "Whoa Mama," he breathed softly.

Laura glanced back at him and chuckled. "C'mon, my love. We've gotta get going," she said, grabbing her clutch from the kitchen table. "OG? Please behave yourself. We'll be home as soon as we can."

"Have fun," he shrugged as he went back to their fridge to find something else to snack on.

Laura and Steve slipped out of the apartment, and Steve wrapped an arm around her waist as they walked. "I love the hair, too," he said as he pressed the button for the elevator. Her hair was gently curled and substantially longer than it had been when she walked into the bedroom. It was well layered, the bottom ending just below her breasts.

"Thank you," she said.

"I'm a little confused, though."

"You are?" she chuckled as they stepped into the elevator.

"Yeah. Is Max hiding in our bathroom or something?"

Laura gasped and hit him with her clutch. "Hey! I can still do my own hair from time to time!"

"Sure, but did you put in your own weave?"

Laura laughed. "Boy, you know getting a new weave would've taken way longer!"

Steve shrugged. "Then I'm confused. How is your hair 10 inches longer?"

"You are not supposed to ask that!" she scolded. "It's rude!"

Steve grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. "I wanna know the secret behind the magic. It makes you feel more real," he purred, kissing her neck.

"They're just temporary clip-in extensions. They're coming out before we go to bed."

Steve pouted. "I don't get to keep 'em?"

Laura raised her eyebrows at him. "Well, you could if you wanted to, but it might give people serial killer vibes if you just kept chunks of my hair in your desk drawer."

Steve laughed and snorted. "That's not what I meant. I just meant… I like you with long hair. It reminds me of high school."

Laura smiled at him flirtatiously as they stepped out of the elevator. "That's good to know, but this much hair is way too much work."

Steve nodded. "Well, you look beautiful," he said, opening her car door, "just as you do everyday."

Laura shook her head at him as she sat down. She looked at him as he buckled into the driver's seat. "You can tell me stuff like that, you know? You don't have to cover it by saying I look just as hot the moment I roll out of bed. I worked hard on this look. You can appreciate it. It would be weird if you didn't."

Steve nodded as he started the car. "I know. I just… I wanna be sure that you know how I really feel. The long hair is gorgeous, but so are you when you just roll out of bed. I don't want you to do anything like that just for me. I just want you to be happy."

Laura reached out and grabbed his hand as he pulled out of the parking garage. "I'm happy, Baby. Relax."

Steve stroked her thumb gently. "So… can you go to bed in those hair extensions?"

"Umm… I definitely can't sleep in them. These clips would rip the rest of my hair outta my head."

He put both hands back on the steering wheel. "I didn't say anything about sleeping."

Laura gasped and giggled. "I guess you didn't," she purred, placing a hand high on his thigh. She rubbed him gently. "I could wear them to bed, as long as I'm on top and you promise not to pull on 'em."

Steve bit his lip and turned up the radio to end this conversation that was making him so nervous. "Deal," he squeaked.


	25. Chapter25

When Laura and Steve arrived at the office, Steve pulled up to the parking garage, only to be redirected to the complimentary valet. Steve parked in front of the building and stepped out of the car. He rushed clumsily to the other side to open Laura's door before the valet could, just barely cutting him off. He opened the door and offered Laura his hand. Then he handed the keys to the valet and accepted the ticket before walking Laura inside.

They both gasped as they entered the large, fully-decorated lobby.

"Oh, my God," Laura breathed. "This place looks amazing."

Steve looked at her face and smiled bashfully. "It's all right, I guess."

She looked back at him. "All right?" she challenged. "LOOK at this place. The trees! The fairy lights! All these people in formal wear! This party looks amazing!"

Steve shrugged. "I'm sure you've been to better ones."

Laura's brow furrowed. "Umm… When?"

"When you were dating a supermodel?" he offered bitterly.

Laura rolled her eyes. "Oh, you mean all those parties filled with vapid women hitting on my man who were all thinner than me? This party is serving real food. This one's better."

Steve relaxed a little. "You are way prettier than they were," he said firmly.

"You didn't see them," she laughed.

"I don't have to see them to know that," he said sincerely.

Laura smiled and kissed him softly. "C'mon. Let's find our table." Laura grabbed his hand and led him over to the table that held all of their place cards.

Steve found their names just as a hand landed on his shoulder. "Steve!" Wes exclaimed.

Steve jumped and dropped their place cards on the ground. He bent low to pick them up, and then he stood and extended his hand to Wes excitedly. "Merry Christmas, Wes!"

Wes shook his hand and then pulled him in for a hug. "Merry Christmas, Bud!" He turned to Laura. "Merry Christmas, Laura," he said much more gently as he hugged her.

"Merry Christmas," she replied.

He pulled back and glanced at her dress. "You look as gorgeous as ever, my dear. I love that dress!"

"Thank you, Wes," she replied.

"Listen," he said excitedly, "I want to catch up with both of you, and I promise I'll find you later, but I'm kinda playing doorman here. For a lot of employees at your level, Steve, this is the only face-to-face time they get with me! See you soon!"

He was on to the next guy before they could even respond.

Steve offered Laura his arm and began to lead her to their table. They were at one of three tables designated for the scientists in Lab 8. "Merry Christmas, Coworkers!" Steve exclaimed as they arrived at the table and he pulled a chair out for Laura.

There were six young men already at their table. These were all the newest employees in Steve's lab, though they'd all be there longer than him. The veterans were at a table beside them and the team leaders, along with Harold, were at another.

"This is my wife, Laura," Steve said to the men who finally bothered to look in their direction. They stared intensely at Laura, none of them saying anything. Their eyes were wide, and several were beginning to sweat.

Laura glanced at Steve. "Um. Hi, guys," she said gently, hoping none of them would pass out.

"Hi," they said in perfect unison.

Laura looked at Steve nervously. Do they always do that? she asked with only a facial expression.

He shook his head and shrugged. "Um… Laura, this is David, Henry, Peter, Roland, Tucker, and Isaac."

She smiled at them warmly. "It's nice to meet… all of you."

They still stared at her wide-eyed. "You too," they said again in unison a beat too late

"Ok. Um. Steve, I could really use some help here."

He nodded. "Yeah, you could. Um… Laura, Roland graduated from Vanderbilt only six years before us. Talk about that," he suggested with a flail of his arms.

"Oh, you did?" she smiled brightly. "How cool! What did you think of it?"

"It was good," Roland replied, his voice cracking as he spoke.

Laura nodded. "Um… Yeah, so when you were there, um… Mr. Shamata was still teaching physics, right?"

Roland nodded without speaking.

"Did you have him?" Laura continued.

"Nuh-uh," he squeaked.

Laura took a deep breath and sighed. "Well, he was a great principal to us."

"Cool," he replied again shakily.

Laura pursed her lips and turned to Steve. "Ok, Baby, I'm gonna go find Andrea and say hello."

Steve nodded and began to stand. "Oh, good idea! I'll join you!"

"No!" Laura said firmly, place a hand on his thigh and forcing him back into his seat. She leaned close to him and whispered, "You are going to stay here and figure out why they won't talk to me, so that I don't have to sit through the most awkward dinner of my life."

Steve gasped and nodded, "Ohhhhh! Got it! Will do!"

Laura leaned in and kissed his cheek. She patted his knee and left the table.

Steve watched her walk away, as did all of his table mates, and then he finally turned back to them. "Hey!" he exclaimed, noticing where their eyes were trained. "Have a little class, men! Keep your eyes above the belt."

"No objections here!" Isaac cackled, sliding his eyes further up Laura's figure as she walked away and got lost in the crowd.

"Hey!" Steve exclaimed again.

Peter, the most senior employee at the table, nudged Isaac. "C'mon, man. That's his wife."

"How?" Isaac replied.

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed, leaning back further in his chair. It wasn't going to be easy to convince these guys to go easy on him so Laura wouldn't feel so awkward. Steve was used to being bullied and disrespected, but he wasn't used to being the butt of the joke among nerds. More often than not, his fellow intellectually-gifted companions looked up to him, admiring his extraordinary intellect and implausible confidence. That was his experience at that geek party he went to. That was his experience in the world of bug collecting. That was his experience during the brief period he attended BIT, but that hadn't been his experience at ForWard. He was surrounded by nerds, that was undeniable, and he loved that. He also loved that a wide variety of ages were present in the lab. Certainly, they were all older than him, but there were some young bachelors around who still lived in townhouses with five roommates. There were some older, married men. There were some men who were nearing retirement. There were even some women, but not as many as there should have been, and not as many as he hoped would be around him as time moved forward and his career advanced.

Still, he couldn't find anyone in the lab that didn't resent him for the treatment he got from Wes and Andy, and even Harold now and then. They were bothered by his youth and his talent. They were infuriated by his connections. They were impressed by his skill, but despised every project and idea he developed, no matter how successful it ended up being. There were even some that were irritated by the ring on his finger.

This guy wasn't that much better looking than them, right? He wasn't as wealthy. He wasn't as experienced. Yet, somehow, he stumbled into a perfect relationship? One that inspired him to whistle while he worked. One that warranted a sickeningly cute phone call everyday before he headed down to the cafeteria for lunch. One that made him practically jog out the door at the end of the day, rushing to get home to her. Why did he get all that while they struggled to get a second date or a match online or even a friendly smile from that barista from the coffee cart out front? What made this guy so darn special?

"Sorry, Steve," Peter began, speaking for all of them. "We're just a little surprised. Laura's prettier than we expected."

Steve nodded and managed to shrug it off. "Yeah, I get that one a lot."

"We'll get it together," Peter promised.

"Thank you, fellas," Steve nodded. "I get it. I know she looks so far out of my league, and that's because she is."

"How did you get a girl like that, man?" Roland pressed, desperate for any tips and tricks he could offer.

Steve chuckled. "Got a few hours?"


	26. Chapter26

OGD decided to spend the night in. He'd been spending a lot of nights in lately. He ordered a pizza and binged while flipping through channels. He couldn't find anything that kept him entertained for long, until he landed on It's a Wonderful Life. That was his grandma's favorite Christmas movie. They watched it every year. He stared at it almost breathlessly for a few minutes, but as tears came to his eyes, he rushed to turn it off. He stood and wiped his eyes aggressively. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go out for a while.


	27. Chapter27

By the time Laura made it back to the table, Steve had the guys laughing hysterically. "And that's when I leveled Verona! She gave me the tiniest little peck on the lips, I whipped my plastic sword out and sliced just the wrong wires holding the set together," he exclaimed, laughing and snorting as Laura came up behind him.

"Hey," she smiled as she sat beside him, "are you tellin' these guys the story of our first kiss?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"They wanted to know how you fell for me. I gave 'em the Readers' Digest version, but they just had so many follow-ups."

Laura laughed and sat back in her chair. "Well, all right then," she shrugged.

Laura was relieved as their tablemates were finally able to hold a conversation with her. Though some of the technobabble was difficult for her to follow, she enjoyed getting to know the people Steve worked with.


	28. Chapter28

OGD sought out the sketchiest bar he could find. He didn't bring a lot of cash with him, so some of these Chicago clubs were way out of reach if he wanted more than one drink, and he definitely wanted more than one drink. He nodded at the burly bouncer and walked in. There was certainly no cover. The place was half empty, but the guys that filled it were formidable foes for sure. Still, he was used to this type of club. He knew how to keep his head down and stay out of trouble, not that he always chose to do that. He approached the bar and took a seat. "Shot of whiskey and a beer chaser," he ordered, tossing some bills on the countertop.

The bartender nodded and took his money without saying much.

He downed the shot without flinching and began to drink his beer. He turned his attention to the staticky tv hanging in the corner above the bar. There were worse ways to spend an evening.


	29. Chapter29

After dinner and dessert, Wes and Andy presented the Christmas bonuses before the band began to play.

Steve held Laura flush against him as she rested her head in his neck. He guided her around the dance floor to the best of his abilities. It was far from flawless, but he was a much better dancer now than he had been years ago, and at least her toes remained unscathed. Still, he mumbled the counts under his breath to stay on beat. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass her. "1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and-"

"Honey?" Laura prompted, lifting her head to look him in the eye.

He stopped abruptly, both his count and his moves. "Yeah?"

"Are you gonna do that all night?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Count out the beats while we dance."

"Was I doing that out loud?" he gasped.

Laura laughed and wrapped her arms around her neck. She began to sway against him gently. "Yes," she giggled.

He began to sway with her, paying much less attention to the beat and choosing not to attempt any fancy footwork. "I'm sorry, my pet. I just wanted to impress you."

Laura nodded. "You don't need to try so hard. I'm very impressed by you, Steve," she promised.

"Really? I'm that good of a dancer?" he asked, his eyes growing wider and brighter.

"Oh, God, no!" Laura guffawed. "Absolutely not. You're a terrible dancer."

Steve scowled.

Laura bit her lip slightly and rushed to explain. "I mean… You can polka better than anyone I know, and you can handle a slow dance, but really dancing? You're pretty bad, Babe."

"Well, that's why I was counting! I wanted to impress you!" he stressed again.

"You do impress me! Just not with your dancing," she explained, trying and failing to hold back a chuckle.

"That's it. I'm returning your Christmas gift!" Steve snapped.

Laura gasped exaggeratedly. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah. That's right, Missy. Wives who talk to their husbands like that don't get presents."

Laura laughed. "Is that so?"

"Uh-huh. Only good girls get shiny things."

Laura rolled her eyes and laughed again. She slapped his chest. "Boy, if you ever talk to me like that again!"

He laughed and snorted just as Andi and Andy sidled up beside them, still swaying to the music. "You two sure look like you're having a good time," Andi grinned at them.

"Hey, Mrs. Ward! Andy!" Steve exclaimed. "Merry Christmas!"

"Steve," Andi scolded, "we've talked about that."

Steve nodded. "Sorry. Merry Christmas, Andrea."

"Merry Christmas, Steven," she winked at him. She pulled away from Andy and grabbed Steve's arm. "You don't mind if I cut in, do you, Laura?"

"Not at all," she agreed, stepping back. She watched as Steve nervously placed a hand on his boss's boss's boss's boss's wife's hip and offered her his other hand. Andi easily slipped into his embrace, and they danced away. Laura watched them for a moment, and then she turned to Andy. He looked back at her, but he didn't say anything. "Oh, Andy, c'mon. You're not gonna ask me to dance?"

"Oh!" he blushed. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean… I would, but I have two left feet, Laura. You're better off just chatting with me. I swear."

Laura rolled her eyes. "C'mon. Steve has three left feet," she insisted, taking his hand and placing her other on his shoulder.

He chuckled as he placed a hand on her waist. "All right. Just watch your toes."

Andi and Steve were chatting easily. She could chat with anyone easily. "So what are you getting Laura for Christmas?" she asked eventually.

"Oh, no. No way! I'm not telling! That little sneak will just have to wait until Christmas morning!" he exclaimed.

"C'mon! I won't tell her."

"Not falling for that one, Andrea! Not a chance!"

Similarly, Laura was easily able to squeeze a conversation out of Andy, no matter how stoic he usually was. She had somehow gotten him gossiping about half the people in the room. "Ok. Now that guy," she pressed, "is one of his legs shorter than the other?"

"What?" he laughed, glancing as casually as possible over his shoulder. "Johnson? Yes! He shattered his knee cap in a basketball injury in college and they replaced it with an aluminum one that's like a centimeter too short. How on Earth did you know that?"

Laura nodded. "That's a fair question," she laughed.

"Uh-huh!" he exclaimed.

"So I have a friend who went to homecoming with a guy like that back in high school, and he danced the same way. They could only move in little circles in one direction."

Steve couldn't help but watch Laura toward the other side of the dance floor over Andi's shoulder. "I have never seen Andy laugh that hard," Steve said in amazement.

Andrea grinned and looked back over her shoulder. "Wow! Your wife is making such a good impression. He is going to love you even more after tonight," she smiled, turning back to Steve.

"Stop," he blushed.

"I'm serious," she insisted. "He doesn't like to talk much about work, but he talks about you. He's so proud of you."

"Really?" Steve asked, his voice getting high as butterflies tickled his stomach. There was something about a father figure's approval. He didn't care what older man it was, he was desperate for it. It didn't take a genius to understand why.

Andy leaned a little closer to Laura before he dropped his juiciest piece of gossip. "Ok. Look directly behind me. See that girl sitting at the head table? The redhead who looks like she's probably your age."

Laura glanced behind him. "Yeah?"

"That's Wes's date," Andy whispered.

Laura's jaw dropped. "What? No way! I thought that was an intern."

"She is," Andy mumbled under his breath.

Laura gasped. "EWWWW."

Andy laughed and shook his head. "I know."

Laura couldn't close her mouth. "Ok, no. That's not ok! I thought Wes was a good guy!"

"He is," Andy insisted. "He really is. He's not creepy to them. Not really."

Laura blinked aggressively. "I'm sorry. 'Them'? How many of 'them' are there?"

"He likes to take younger women to high profile events. He doesn't even sleep with them most of the time. It's like he has an addiction to the attention the arm candy gets him when he walks in the door, and then he quickly loses interest."

"Ew," Laura said again, much more calmly.

"Moral of the story, keep your friends away from him, and if you know anyone age-appropriate he might be interested in, please let me know."

Laura laughed, and then stopped. "Actually, I have an aunt he might want to meet."


	30. Chapter30

Once OGD had finished his second beer and his third shot, he started to nurse his third beer. He knew he was feeling a little woozy, but he also knew that was a better feeling than what he had been feeling before, though he couldn't totally remember what he'd been feeling before. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.


	31. Chapter31

By the end of the night, Steve was lost in a brainstorming session with Wes. Laura tried to follow it for the first few minutes, but she got lost quickly. She relaxed into it, being that it was so late and she was a little tipsy. She just listened to her brilliant husband speak so passionately about ideas he'd been thinking about since kindergarten and others that came to him in the moment. She was captivated by him, as was Wes, until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She glanced up to see Andrea.

"Hey," she said softly so as not to disturb Steve. She stood and stepped to the side.

"I just wanted to tell you goodbye before we head out."

Laura pouted. "You're leaving already?"

"Definitely. Andy's wiped. He's already waiting for me in the car," she laughed.

Laura chuckled. "All right. I get it. I actually thought you guys had already left. No one's seen you in like an hour."

Andi pursed her lips. "Yeah, well… Andrew and I have a little Christmas party tradition," she explained.

"What tradition?" Laura asked.

"We always find a little alone time in his office the night of the Christmas party."

"Alone time?" Laura asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Andrea smirked. "He's not the most social guy, and it started just to give him an escape from all the party anxiety. Now it's just a tradition."

"That's sweet," Laura cooed.

"It is, and when Steve finally gets an office, you two can do the same!"

"Andrea!" Laura scolded, nudging her gently.

"Merry Christmas, Sweetie," she laughed, pulling her in for a tight hug.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Take care and take care of him, ok?"

"Thank you, I will, and you too."

Andrea pecked her cheek and headed for the door.

Laura returned to Steve and leaned over him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

He grinned, pausing his conversation with Wes. "Is that your hint that you're ready to go?" he asked.

Laura kissed his cheek again and sat beside him. "Oh, no. I'm not done until you are. What were you saying? Something about flux capacitors?"

Wes and Steve both chuckled as Steve took her hand and continued his explanation as if he hadn't been interrupted.


	32. Chpater32

Laura slid her key in the lock just as Steve's hand grabbed a handful of her butt. She jumped slightly and leaned back into him. "Baby, what are you doin'?" she purred. "You can't even wait 'til we get inside?"

"No. You made such a good impression on everyone tonight. You made me look so good to my co-workers."

"And your bosses," she added.

"Yeah, but they already knew how amazing you were. The guys in the lab treated me so differently the second they met you. You made me feel so good tonight, and I just wanna take you inside and make you feel good."

Laura giggled as his lips began to tickle her neck. "Stop. Let's get inside and say goodnight to OGD, and then I'm all yours."

"Go faster," he urged, pressing his groin into her backside as she turned the key.

"You are so bad," she scolded as she opened the door. The lights were off as they stepped inside. "Huh," she mumbled as she hit the switch beside her.

"He must be out," Steve said, closing and locking the door behind him. He quickly grabbed her hand and began to lead her back to the bedroom. "Alone at last," he purred as he placed his hand on the door knob. He paused as he heard something.

"What is it?" she asked.

He shushed her quickly and pressed his ear to the door. "Oh, no," he whispered, pulling back to look at Laura.

"What? Is someone in our bedroom?" she whispered sharply, growing scared.

"Not someone. Two someones. Cornelius has a girl in our bed."

Laura's jaw dropped. "He does not!" she gasped.

"Well, I'd tell you to hear for yourself, but I wanna protect those innocent… ears… and you're listening anyway. Great."

Laura had quickly pressed her ear to the door. She could hear a woman moaning and whining, and she could definitely hear a man grunting, and she was pretty sure she could hear their headboard rattling. She pulled back. "I'ma kill him," she announced before throwing the door open.

"Oh, shit!" OGD exclaimed, pulling away from his partner in crime as he heard the door slam open. He quickly slipped one leg and his package under the sheets.

The girl pouted up at him. "Baby, why'd you stop?" she whined as she sat up. She looked at Laura and Steve in the doorway, completely unphased. "You know it's gonna be extra for more people, right?" she questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.

Steve felt his knees grow weak, and he quickly averted his eyes from the scene in front of him. Then he turned his back to it completely, only to see it again in the mirror over their dresser. He looked down at his feet.

Laura was seeing red. "Cornelius, did she just threaten to raise her price? Are you paying this woman?"

OGD looked at the woman next to him, who was still shamelessly exposed. "Nah, see, it's not like that. I went out to a club tonight, and Caramel and I really hit it off. I brought her back here, and then she told me it was gonna cost me a little change. What was I s'posed to do?"

"But you are paying, ain't you?" Caramel confirmed.

"Yeah, Baby, I got you," he shrugged.

Laura swallowed hard. She walked over to the nightstand by the prostitute in her bed and pulled out a pen and paper. She'd been pre-law in the city long enough to have memorized a few resources. She wrote down the names and addresses of a women's shelter and a homeless shelter. She pulled out her address book and added the numbers for a couple of hotlines that specialized in sexual violence, domestic violence, drug addiction, and legal aid for sex workers. Then she wrote down her father's name and direct line at the precinct in case of emergencies. She handed the massive list to the still very naked woman. "Hi, Caramel, my name is Laura. I hope this is just a choice you are making right now with complete control over your life, but just in case it's not, in case you're feeling trapped or in case someone hurts you, I've written down some addresses and phone numbers of people who could help you if you ever decide you need it."

"Hey, I'm fine. I never asked you or him for anything," she began, growing flustered.

"No, I know," Laura interrupted, "and hopefully, you never need any of that information, but just hang onto it in case you do. We never know when we're going to need help. This isn't a judgement. I could need any of those numbers before you, but I have those numbers, and I want you to have them, too." Laura looked back at Steve. "Steve, gimme your wallet." She hadn't put much cash in that fashionable clutch she took out tonight.

Steve reached into his pocket and took out his wallet, but he wasn't sure how to get it to her without having to look at any of this. He tossed it haphazardly over his shoulder. OGD jumped as it landed on his bare thigh. Laura glared at him and held out her hand. OGD handed her the wallet.

Laura opened the folded leather and looked back at Caramel. "How much did he agree to pay you?" Caramel gave her a number, and Laura was impressed. It was a high number. "Is someone else taking a chunk of that?"

"That's none of your business," she snapped.

"If I give you a little extra, it'll stay with you, right?"

"Yeah."

Laura doubled the number and handed her the bills. "Ok. I have to yell at my cousin-in-law now, so I'm gonna have to ask you to go, but don't lose that list, ok?"

Caramel stood and dressed quickly. She was well practiced. "Yeah, ok. Thanks," she said as she left.

Laura paused for a moment as she listened to her go. Then she stood and walked back out to the living room. Steve followed behind her. She locked the door and turned back to their bedroom door as OGD stepped out of it half-dressed.

"Listen, Laura," OGD began.

"Get out," Laura said softly.

"What?" he asked.

"GET. OUT," she roared.

"But tomorrow's Christmas Eve?" he reminded her with a baffled shake of his head.

"I have done nothing but give you the benefit of the doubt, and honestly, you've earned it nine times out of ten, but there is no benefit of the doubt to give here. You paid a woman in a desparate situation to have sex with you. You commited a crime in my home, in my BED! That woman is likely in danger. She is likely being hurt by men regularly, and you fed into that system! You fed into that cycle of abuse. I don't care how different our lives were growing up. I know your grandmama didn't raise you to treat women like that."

He froze, and his face grew deeply angry. "You don't know nothin' 'bout my grandma," he said sharply, getting right up in her face.

Steve stepped forward, afraid for Laura's safety all of the sudden.

"GET. OUT," Laura said again, pushing Steve back from this confrontation.

"FINE," OGD barked. He moved back and gathered the few things he came with. He stormed toward the door. "I'm gone. Merry Christmas!" he said as he slammed the door behind him.

Laura stared at that door in shock for a long moment. "Merry Christmas," she said softly and bitterly before she turned and went back to their bedroom. She immediately began to strip their bed, and Steve helped her silently. When their bed was naked and their sheets were in the washing machine, she looked at him. "Aren't you gonna say anything?" she challenged.

"I'm sorry, my pet. I think I'm still in shock."

Laura frowned. "Because I threw your cousin out in the cold the day before Christmas Eve?"

Steve shook his head and reached out to her. "No, because he put you in that position. Laura, you handled yourself with grace and righteousness. You handled yourself in a way that would make your father proud. You showed that girl nothing but compassion and understanding. You're showing Cornelius the tough love that he so clearly, desperately needs. I haven't said anything because I am in awe of you. I couldn't even look at that poor woman, let alone my idiot cousin. That list of resources you gave her, you may have changed her life tonight, and if not, you still did everything you could. You may save her life two years from now. Cornelius will come back and apologize. He'll see the light, and you'll forgive him because you are a forgiving person. You'll see."

"I'm so mad at him, Steve, and so disappointed."

"I know. I've been there, Babycakes. Before he met you, I helped him out of a lot of terrible situations, only to see him come crawling back for more help a year or two later. It's like clockwork with that guy."

"C'mon, Steve. You've gotta admit this is a low point."

"Yeah," he nodded. "It is." He reached out and pulled her into his arms. He stroked her hair gently. "Plus, he totally killed the mood."

Laura laughed and pushed him away. "He did. I can't tonight, Steve. I'm sorry. I just… can't."  
Steve nodded. "I understand, Sweetheart. I don't think I'm really feeling up to it either."

"We should get changed."

"Yeah," he nodded.

"And I have to wash my face, and take out all this hair. I'm never gonna get to sleep," she complained.

Steve wrapped an arm around her waist and led her back to the bedroom. "I'll let you sleep in tomorrow," he promised, kissing her on the forehead.


	33. Chapter33

And Steve kept his promise. He slipped out of bed quietly when he woke up, without disturbing Laura at all. The only problem was that Laura was already wide awake and had been for a couple of hours. She didn't sleep well, worrying about OGD, and she wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep no matter how quiet Steve was. Still, she lay in bed for another hour or so before she smelled breakfast and finally gave in to the fact that she was just going to have to be exhausted all day.

Steve looked up at her as he heard the door to the bedroom open. Steve would never have admitted it to anyone, but she looked awful. Her eyes were red, and her under-eyes were puffy. Her full lips were in a deep frown. He was sure her hair was a wreck under that scarf she was wearing. Normally, she strutted a little, but today, she was just barely dragging herself to the kitchen. "Hi, Sweetheart," he said sweetly, pouring her a cup of coffee and handing it to her as quickly as humanly possible.

She smiled at him weakly. "Morning, Steve," she said softly.

He cocked his head at her immediately. "It's not your fault, Laura," he said seriously.

She pursed her lips and tried not to cry. "I just wish I knew where he spent the night," she whimpered. "It was so cold last night, Steve. If he didn't have money for a motel room… We should've given him a few bucks before he left."

"You gave all my cash to Caramel, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," she sniffled. She quickly wiped a tear that escaped her.

Steve grabbed her hips and pulled her into his arms immediately. "Hey," he whispered into her ear. He took her mug away and set it on the counter behind him. "Hey, hey, hey. No. You don't get to do that. Not on Christmas Eve," he insisted, but it only made her cry harder.


	34. Chapter34

Steve went out on a hunt for several hours of his Christmas Eve, but he came up with nothing. He visited many motels in OGD's price range, but none of them admitted to having checked him in the night before. Eventually, he had no choice but to pick up Laura for Christmas Eve dinner.

"I could drop you off and then go out and keep looking," he offered, squeezing her hand tightly as they drove to her parents' house. "I could bring Carl or Eddie with me. They could bring a badge and really do some detective work."

"No," she replied. "I don't want you to do that. You tried. I so, so appreciate that, but it's Christmas Eve. I wanna spend it with you."

Steve glanced at her. "I wanna spend it with you, too."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and snuggled close to him until they finally pulled into their old driveway. Steve opened the door for her, and they each grabbed a bag of presents to carry inside. They slipped in the backdoor and greeted everyone in the kitchen. They were the last to arrive.

"Merry Christmas," they cheered in unison as they walked in the backdoor.

"Merry Christmas," the family replied.

Laura handed Steve the bag of presents she was carrying, and he moved to take them into the other room to place them under the tree, but at the same time, they noticed OGD seated on the stairs. They both froze in place.

Immediately, Laura was relieved. He was safe. Then she remembered why she threw him out in the first place, and she grew angry again. "What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Laura!" Harriette scolded. "It's Christmas Eve!"

"Did he tell you why I threw him out?" Laura asked her parents.

Carl stood. "Sweetheart, let's go in the other room and talk about this," he pressed, moving toward her to lead her away from the crowd.

"No," she snapped, pulling away from him. "Did he tell you or not? Because I will gladly tell you. You have a right to know who is staying in your house."

OGD stood. "Think I'mma just head back to Detroit. Thanks for everything, guys." He started to walk toward the door.

Carl stopped him before he got there. "Cornelius, stop. You're not goin' anywhere. You're spending Christmas with your family."

OGD stopped in his tracks, and he looked at Laura who glared back at him sharply.

Carl came up behind Laura and grabbed her arm, gently guiding her into the other room. "Steve!" he called. "You too!"

Steve shrugged and followed them into the living room, entering just as Carl forced Laura down beside him on the couch.

"Daddy!" she complained.

"Laura, he told me what he did. You're gonna let it go."

She glared at him. "Daddy, how can you say that? You're a police captain!"

"What he did was wrong, and I gave him a very stern talking to about why, but he had his reasons."

"There is no reason to participate in a system of oppression like that!"

"Laura, he made a mistake, and he isn't gonna do it again, but he was lonely."

"So what?" she exclaimed. "Seriously, Daddy? That's the reason? So Steve could've hired a prostitute every night of his teenage years, and that would've been just fine?"

Steve's brow furrowed. "Hey," he complained.

She looked back at him apologetically but shrugged slightly at him. It was a relevant example. There weren't many people she knew who had experienced more loneliness in their lives than Steve.

"Laura, this wasn't just normal loneliness. He was desperate."

"Steve was desperately lonely for 20 years, and he never hired a hooker!"

"Laura!" Steve exclaimed.

She looked back at him again on the chair behind her. "Sorry, Baby, but it's true."

"Laura," Carl whispered harshly, "his grandmother died. The woman who raised him died nine days ago."

Laura's jaw dropped. "Oh, my God," she breathed. "I had… no idea. He seemed… fine." Laura nervously looked back at Steve who was just as shocked. "If I had known, I wouldn't have… Why didn't he tell us?"

"He didn't want anyone to know. He wanted to forget about it for a week or two."

Laura looked down at her lap. "I wouldn't have thrown him out if I had known."

"I know, Sweetheart."

"But he still shouldn't have-"

"I know," Carl said again. "We talked about it. He gets it. He gets it on a much deeper level than he did before."

"I should go apologize."

"No," Carl interrupted. "Just go back in there and act normal. That's all he wanted in the first place."

Laura pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah. Maybe you're right." She stood and took a deep breath before walking back into the kitchen. She looked at OGD who was sitting on the stairs again. She walked over and sat beside him without saying a word. He stared at her for a long moment, waiting for her to start yelling at him again, but she never did.


	35. Chapter35

Laura held it together through dinner, dessert, and even opening presents, but as Carl and Steve were helping 3J set up his new Nintendo, and Max, Harriette, and Rachel were cleaning up wrapping paper, Laura grabbed OGD's arm and tugged him down the hall behind the living room. She pulled him into Estelle's old bedroom. "I'm sorry. I've held this in as long as I can, but I can't do this anymore. We need to talk about this."

OGD deflated. He had thought he was out of the woods. He walked over to the bed he'd slept in last night and collapsed in the middle of it. "Girl, you're givin' me whiplash."

Laura rolled her eyes. "Well, you're givin' me hives! We need to talk about this."

OGD sighed deeply and sat up. "So talk."

"You should have told me," she said seriously. "You should have told both of us. We could've been there for you."

"You were," he said softly, "whether you knew it or not. I didn't need to tell you. All I wanted was for you guys to distract me, and you did that."

"Your favorite cousin and his wife should be worth more to you than a distraction!"

"Favorite?"

"Yes," she said firmly.

He scoffed. "Look, Laura, when I came down here, I didn't have no clue that you two were together. Maybe I came down here to get with you!"

"Excuse me?" Laura exclaimed.

"My grandma had just died, I was lonely as hell, and I knew there was a fine piece of something hanging around my cousin. You don't know why I came here. Talkin' 'bout my favorite cousin…" he trailed off.

"Well, am I the reason you came down here?" she demanded.

He stared at her challengingly for a moment. Then he scoffed and waved her off. "Girl, get over yourself. I basically forgot about you."

"Cornelius!" she scolded.

"I'm sorry, but I did. I just came down here to see Steve because he's a hella good distraction."

"And?" she pressed.

OGD looked away from her. "And he's my favorite cousin," he mumbled under his breath.

Laura sat beside him in the bed. "Ever thought about telling him that?"

"No, and you can't either."

Laura rolled her eyes. "Look, you should've told us what happened. I wouldn't have kicked you out. That's all I'm sayin'."

"You shoulda kicked me out. I deserved it."

"What you did was so wrong, and from what I hear, you know that, but I can't imagine how lonely you were feeling. If you'd told us, we coulda brought you to that dumb party, or I could've asked Max and Eddie to take you out or something. I wouldn't have given you the chance to do something you'd regret if you'd just been up front with us."

"I don't need you takin' care of me," he complained.

"Yes, you do. We all need people to take care of us, and you just lost your person." She paused for a long moment as he stared down at his hands. "Hey, why don't you move down here?"

"What?" he asked.

"Move down here. You can stay with me and Steve until you find a place. We can help you find a job. If you wanna work at a department store, my mom has connections, or maybe there's somethin' at ForWard, or maybe you could join the force."

He guffawed. "What? Girl, you trippin'. You think I'mma become a cop?"

"It's just an option!" she pressed. "Seriously. Move down here. We'll figure the rest out."

OGD stared at her for a long moment. "It's just that simple to you, huh? Take in a stray, move all the Urkels into your apartment building, and we'll all live happily ever after and get into hijinks on a weekly basis?"

"Well, no…"

"I could invite two dates to the same dance or Steve and I could dress up in drag and pose as twin sisters to impress Mr. W's boss?"

Laura glared at him. "I was making you a serious offer!"

"You sound like you grew up on a sitcom! My grandma just died. I have roots in Detroit. I have her house to take care of. I have a girl back home who's probably 'bout to dump me. I can't just move here."

"You have a girlfriend?" she gasped, slapping his arm. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"I am," he said seriously.

Laura deflated at his earnestness.

"I can't just move here."

Laura nodded. "I understand, but the offer stands, ok?"

"Ok," he nodded. Laura reached out quickly and hugged him before he could object. "I'm so sorry, OG."

"Thanks," he said, relaxing slightly in her warm embrace.

As Laura pulled away, she left a hand on his back and rubbed it gently. "Ok. We should get back out there. C'mon."

As they stepped out of the room, his swagger came back. He approached Steve, who had made sure he was waiting close to the door once he'd noticed they'd slipped away, and patted his back and chest. "Now, don't you worry, playa. I'm returning your girl."

"Cornelius, she is not a library book," Steve scolded.

"Mm. You sure 'bout that? Cuz dat girl is stacked," he joked, quietly enough to go unnoticed by the rest of the family. He snickered and hit Steve's arm.

Steve rolled his eyes and walked away. He came up behind Laura and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey, Baby," she purred.

"Hey, Pumpkin. How'd your talk go?"

"Good," she replied. "I think we've cleared the air." She paused. "By the way, he has something very sweet to tell you, and if he doesn't tell you before he leaves town, I will."

"Sweet? Cornelius has something sweet to tell me?" he parroted, his voice raising in surprise.

"Shhh…" she hushed him softly. "Yes."

"Huh. Christmas miracle," he mumbled.


	36. Chapter36

At the end of the night, Laura and Steve were the last ones to gather their things. "Ok, Cornelius, grab your stuff. We're heading out," Laura announced.

OGD looked away from 3J's video game that he'd been playing since 3J was forced to go to bed. "We?" he questioned.

Laura furrowed her brow as Steve helped her into her coat. "Yeah. Aren't you comin' back with us?"

"Well, first off, I didn't know I was invited."

Laura sighed. "Of course you are. We're fine now. Get your stuff."

OGD looked at Carl on the couch beside him. "Well, actually, Laura, if it's cool with Mr. W., I'd rather just chill here. Give you guys some space."

Laura frowned. "OGD, you don't have to do that," she insisted, a little hurt by his rejection.

"Nah, I know. I wanna. You guys've been chill, but I don't wanna overstay my welcome."

"You're not," Laura promised. Steve reached out and rubbed her back to comfort her.

"I know, and I don't wanna. Plus, the bed's more comfortable than that cheap-ass futon y'all are passing off as a guest bed," he chuckled.

Laura didn't laugh.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Laura," he said more seriously.

Steve patted her back gently. "C'mon, Sweetums," he whispered.

They said quick goodbyes, and Steve took her arm before leading her out toward the car. He tried to steady her on the icy sidewalks, but really, she helped him keep his balance. He opened the door for her as they got to the car, and he climbed into the driver's seat. "He's gonna be fine, Laura," he promised, starting the car. He grabbed her hands as they waited for the car to warm up.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I guess."

Steve stared at her for a little while, and then he leaned in and kissed her deeply. "I can't wait to see what Santa brings you tonight," he purred as he broke the kiss but hovered near her lips.

Laura smiled. "Neither can I," she agreed, grateful for the distraction. She kissed him back, and they fogged up the windows quickly, making the heater's job much harder.


	37. Chapter37

Steve woke up bright and early Christmas morning like he did every year. He turned excitedly to Laura as he realized what day it was only to discover that she wasn't in bed. He practically leapt out of bed. He slipped his undies on and ran for his robe. He slipped out of their bedroom, calling, "Laura Lee! Merry Christmas, Swee-" He paused as he entered the living room and saw her lying under the tree in that festive nightie she'd picked out for him earlier that week. "Tums," he finished softly.

Laura grinned at him seductively and sat up. "Merry Christmas, Baby," she cooed. "Ready to unwrap your present?" she asked, motioning to the ribbon she had tied around her waist.

He nodded silently, breathing heavily, and walked over to her. He sat beside her on the blanket she'd laid out for them. He reached out to her and lay her down on the ground, climbing on top of her. "I love you," he whispered as he ran his hands over her sides. "This is the best Christmas gift you could ever get me," he promised, leaning in to kiss her.

"I love you, too, Steve," she smiled as she broke their kiss, "but I got you a real present too."

He leaned in closer to kiss her neck. "You can return it. Nothing is better than this," he insisted, grabbing her butt under her nightie.

She giggled as he touched her. "I'm not returning it. It's a good gift," she pressed.

"Fine, but I'm opening this one first," he purred as he slid down her body and pressed her legs open, slipping his face between them and under the hem of her nightie.

She felt his lips over her panties, and she jumped. She giggled as she relaxed into it. "Fine by me," she purred. After a moment, she felt him slide her thong off her body. Then he returned to kissing, licking, and sucking all the right places. "Oh, Baby…" she cooed. "That feels so good."

He had her teetering on the edge and begging to come in seemingly record time. As she finally finished, he couldn't help but feel proud of himself. He had really gotten good at that.

She grabbed him by the neck of his robe and pulled him up. She kissed him hard and opened his robe to feel his chest. "Thank you for being so patient, Honey, but this is your Christmas present. Not mine."

He slid his boxers down below his member. He rubbed it against her wetness teasingly. "You know I love tasting you," he insisted.

"I know," she agreed, reaching between them to line his member up with her entrance. She stroked him gently. "But not as much as you love being inside me."

Steve took a deep breath as she stroked him. He could feel her wetness all over his tip, but he resisted the urge to thrust into her. "Let me savor this moment," he asked softly. He took a moment and painted this scene into his memory. He never wanted to forget the red, translucent fabric against her skin, the white faux fur framing her cleavage, the ribbon tied around her tiny waist, the condensation forming on the windows closest to their heavy breathing, the snow coming down on the balcony, the sheen on her softly smiling lips, wet from his kisses, her reflection in the shiny ornaments on the tree standing above them… barely, the twinkle in her eye. He never wanted to forget their first Christmas together as a married couple. "I love you, Laura," he whispered.

She smiled up at him. "I love you, too," she said seriously.

"This is the best Christmas I've ever had, no matter how crazy it's been, because you're my wife. That's all I've ever wanted."

She reached up and stroked his cheek. "I feel the same way. This is the best Christmas," she agreed. He smiled at her lovingly, and she let him enjoy that comment for a moment before her smile became a smirk. "Well, depending on what you got me," she added.

He laughed and snorted. He leaned close to her as he did. He kissed her softly. "Merry Christmas, Sweetums," he purred before he pressed his thick head into her.

"Oh, Steve!"


	38. Chapter38

Steve and Laura lay together under their tree for a full hour. They stayed completely nude and closely intertwined. They didn't say much. They didn't have to.

They were interrupted by the phone ringing on the end table beside them. Steve reluctantly pulled away from Laura to grab it. He cuddled close to her again as he answered it. "Hello?" He paused for a moment as he listened to the person on the other end. "Hey, Big Guy! Merry Christmas!" He listened again as Laura watched.

Laura leaned into him and began to kiss his neck.

Steve giggled slightly but continued the call. "Uh-huh. Sure. No - heh -problemo!" He pulled back slightly and glared at her.

Laura stroked a finger down his chest and half-smiled at him flirtatiously. Then she began to kiss his chest and moved lower… and lower… and lower.

"CARL!" Steve exclaimed suddenly. "I gotta go, but we'll see you soon! K. BYE!" He hung up the phone and put it back on the end table. Then he reached down and grabbed her, pulling her back up to his level. He climbed on top of her and kissed her passionately. "What did you think you were doing?"

"I was bored," she explained, biting her lower lip.

Steve exhaled sharply. "Mistletoe, I'm sorry, but we have to get up and get ready to go. Your parents are expecting us to meet them at church for the 10 o'clock service."

Laura glanced at the clock on the opposite wall. Then she looked back at him and pouted. "Fine. We better do presents quick then, and then we can get ready."

"Deal!" Steve chirped, reaching for the tiny box sitting under the tree wrapped in white paper covered in sparkly, glittery, silver snowflakes. He handed the long box to her and kissed her again. "Merry Christmas, Sweetheart."

"Yay!" she exclaimed. She quickly tore into the paper and slipped the box out. She opened it to reveal a slim, silver watch. "Oh, Steve. This is beautiful," she said softly.

"You really like it? I know it's not exactly extravagant," he admitted.

Laura looked up from the watch. "Baby, I don't need anything extravagant. This is gorgeous. I love it."

Steve smiled. "Do you remember the first Christmas I spent at your house?"

"Of course," she smiled, reaching out to stroke his chest affectionately.

"Well, I remember it vividly. I remember how excited I was to spend the holidays with you and your family, and I spent so much of those days just trying to memorize everything that happened so I'd never forget."

Laura chuckled. "Sure, because you normally have such an awful memory," she joked sarcastically.

"Oh, hush. I'm telling a story here," he pressed. "So do you know why I got you a watch for Christmas this year?"

"Because you love buying me shiny things?" she guessed with a big smile.

"No," he said firmly. "I gave you a watch because your father bought your mother a watch that first Christmas we all spent together."

Laura looked at him in surprise. "What? Seriously?"

"Yes," he said seriously.

"Is it the same watch?" she gasped.

Steve furrowed his brow. "Huh? No. I just bought you a watch."

"Oh," she nodded.

"It's just… That's all I want for us, Laura. What they have."

Laura clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and wrapped her arms around him. She pulled him close. "Oh, Honey, that is so sweet. Thank you so much," she whispered.

Steve hugged her back and replied. "You are so welcome, my love. Merry Christmas."

Laura held him for another moment, and then she kissed his neck softly and pulled away. She reached across him for the much larger box still left under the tree. "Merry Christmas, Steve," she smiled.

"Oooooo!" He grinned brightly. "Can I shake it?"

"No," Laura said firmly with a light laugh. "It's fragile."

"It is? Hmm…"

"Just open it, Crazy," she teased.

"Not until I guess," he scolded.

"Then hurry."

He ran his hands over the box. He pressed his ear to it to listen to it. He inhaled deeply to smell it. "Is it… a block of Gouda cheese?"

Laura's brow furrowed. "What? No. Why would it be?"

"It weighs about the same," he shrugged. He sniffed it again. "Kinda smells like it too!"

"What?" she asked. She leaned in and sniffed the package. She grabbed his hand and sniffed that. "Honey, the gift doesn't smell like Gouda! You do!" she explained, pushing his cheesy hands away from her.

"Oh?" he asked, quickly licking his fingers. "Mmm! Good thing I had that three am snack!"

Laura laughed and slapped his arm. "Would you open your present already? We have to go!"

"Fine," he agreed, tearing the paper excitedly. He looked at her with a big grin on his face and wiggled his eyebrows as he tore off the last bit of wrapping paper and tossed it aside. He looked at the writing on the box. "A video camera? Neato!"

"Yeah?" Laura asked excitedly, relieved she could buy him a gift he loved without always killing herself trying to come up with something sickeningly sentimental or as unique as he is. She just wasn't as creative as him! "You like it?"

"I love it!"

"Good! I'm so glad. You're so hard to shop for, and we can't always afford something handmade like I got you for your birthday, but I thought this could be cool. I thought you might wanna make some home movies of our kids, you know?"

Steve's face froze, and he dropped the camera onto his lap. He turned to her, desperately trying to control his breathing. "Laura Lee, are you pregnant?"

Laura looked back at him with nearly the same expression of shock. "WHAT? NO!"

Steve furrowed his brow. "What? What do you mean no? What are we talking about then?"

"In the future! In the way, way far away future, I thought you might like to film our kids' first steps and choir concerts. This was supposed to reaffirm for you that I do want to have your babies, no matter how gross and painful Myrtle tells me it will be. That's all I meant."

Steve deflated slightly, but then he relaxed. "Oh," he smiled, "that's not quite as exciting as you being pregnant, but it is good to hear."

Laura frowned. "Maybe this was a dumb idea."

"No," he said firmly. "I love it, Laura. It will be totally out of date by the time we have kids if we stick to your schedule…" he began.

Laura gasped. "Oh, my God! I'm so stupid!"

"But that doesn't matter. I'll use it now! You don't think I wanna film our first year of marriage?"

Laura raised an eyebrow at him. "What exactly are you planning to film?"

"You know, holidays, gift exchanges, big news… among other things," he purred, looking her body up and down as obviously as possible. He quickly tore into the box and pulled out the camera. He turned it on and turned it back on her.

"Steve!" she exclaimed, covering her breasts with her arm.

"Merry Christmas, Laura Lee," Steve cooed to his wife, having zoomed in on her face before pressing record so that his video would remain PG.

She couldn't tell where exactly the camera was aiming, so she turned away shyly. "Steve, c'mon. Turn that off," she scolded.

"No way, Buttercup. Not until you do somethin' for me."

"Steve Urkel," she teased, looking back at the lense, "there are some things that good girls don't do on camera, even with their husbands."

Steve grinned. He rolled his tongue at her. "True, but as much as I wanna film you being bad, this isn't one of those things."

"What is it then?"

"All I want is for you to promise me right now, on camera, that you and I are going to have a baby."

Laura smiled. "Is that all?" she grinned. "Well, I, Laura Lee Urkel, hereby promise that I will do whatever I have to do to have two babies with you, Steven Quincy Urkel, excluding unsafe, untested mad science, by the age of 35. Verbal signature: Laura Lee Urkel, December 25th, 1999."

"35?!" he exclaimed.

"Well, that's a generous timeframe."

"It doesn't sound too generous!" he complained.

"No, I mean, it shouldn't take that long, but I didn't wanna be in breach of contract, so I tacked on a few extra years in case it takes us a little while to get it right," she explained.

Steve stared at her in surprise for a few moments. "Is this contact negotiable?" he asked.

"Not right now."

"Then I'll take it!" he agreed quickly, reaching out to shake her hand.

Laura laughed as he turned off the camera. "I don't understand why I had to be naked for that," she laughed.

"You didn't have to be, but everything's better when you're naked," he purred, wiggling his eyebrows at her.


	39. Chapter39

Laura and Steve slammed the car doors when they finally found a parking spot close enough to walk to church, and they certainly didn't walk.

"My father is going to kill us if we walk in that door after the service has started," Laura complained as they jogged down the block.

"Then hurry up, slow poke!" he yelled. He steadied her as she slipped on a patch of ice. "You really can't take those heels off?" he asked.

"I'll freeze!"

Steve looked down the block. They weren't too far away. He quickly took her into his arms and began to carry her.

"Steve!" she exclaimed as he lifted her up.

"Hang on tight, Mrs. Claus! This sleigh is bookin' it!" He didn't move quite as fast as he would have without carrying her, but they were faster than they would've been if she'd slipped and broken an ankle. They ran in just as the choir began to sing. They found Estelle in the front row and slid into the pew beside her, though it was a tight fit on Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Grandma," Laura whispered, kissing her cheek. She leaned around her. "Merry Christmas," she said to everyone else.

"Merry Christmas, Laura," Estelle replied, grabbing her hand. She leaned forward to look at Steve. "Merry Christmas, Steve!"

Steve was practically hyperventilating from the exertion. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief to dab at his armpits. "Merry Christmas," he wheezed.

Laura glared at him and took the handkerchief away. "Not in public," she scolded softly just as the reverend began the service


	40. Chpater40

"Now, I am so glad to see some new faces here today," he said eventually. "Oh, wait. That's not a new face. That's Laura Winslow and her husband. Been so long, I hardly recognized you."

Laura gasped, and Steve sunk lower into the pew as belly laughs erupted around them.

"Marry a girl off, and she think she too grown for church!" he exclaimed with a sly smile that made it clear he was only teasing.

"Mm-hm," Carl agreed from the choir.

"Carl Winslow, like you haven't missed any Sundays or choir practices for football this season… and every season!"

Harriette laughed beside Carl as he scowled.

"Now, I kid," Pastor Fuller continued, "because I do see some faces today that I haven't seen in awhile. That's a good thing. It's good that y'all are comin' home for Christmas. Now, maybe I'm just being optimistic. Maybe some of you are only back because you know that you're not gettin' any of Mama's Christmas ham unless you go to church."

"Amen!" called a few mothers from the congregation, including Harriette and Estelle.

"But maybe some of you came home today because you know that it's time to recenter your life. To reprioritize your life around love and family and church and, most importantly, the Lord."

Laura and Steve exchanged a guilty look. Maybe it was time to start skipping breakfast in bed a little more often in favor of a Sunday service. Without saying a word, they agreed on it. Laura leaned into him and kissed his cheek before facing forward again, his hand in hers.

"Now, I also see some faces here that are actually new. Whether you're just in town for the holidays or considering joining our congregation, I thank you for being here with us today, and I invite you to testify. If you are filled with the Christmas spirit, anyone here is welcome to share that joy with us!"

The choir began to hum, and a few members of the congregation shared a feeling. Some shared an old Christmas memory. Some shared a recent event, happy or sad. Then Steve stood.

Revered Fuller steeled himself. When Steve decided to testify, it was always an ordeal.

He cleared his throat. "Merry Christmas, everybody!" he began.

"Merry Christmas," they replied.

"I just wanted to share with you all the year God has blessed me with. When this year started, I was far from home, training with NASA. I was gleefully engaged to a woman I'd loved since kindergarten, but we were on opposite ends of the country." He stared down at Laura beside him. "We talked on the phone every night, but it wasn't the same, and I was so desperately lonely. Then I came home, and I got to spend a couple of wonderful days with her and her family before I went into space. While I was home, I promised her I'd come back to her, and while I was on my flight back to Houston, I prayed to God, begging him to help me keep my promise." He looked away from Laura and back at the congregation. "The launch went well, but when we were up there, a satellite got lodged in the ship. I was the only one who could suit up to knock it off, but I forgot my tether, and for several long minutes, I thought I was a goner." He felt Laura grab his hand. "But then the promise I made to Laura popped back into my head, and God gave me an idea. A much better idea than some of my ideas. I made it back to the shuttle safely. I made it back to Laura safely," he continued, looking back at her. "Then I married her, and we FINALLY got to do what married people get to do after she, like the good Christian girl she is, made me wait 21 long, long, LONG years!" he exclaimed.

Laura looked up at him in disbelief. "I made you wait?" she demanded.

He shushed her softly, hoping to protect her reputation, whether she cared to or not.

"Boy, you're in church!" Harriette hissed from the choir almost simultaneously.

Steve continued as the congregation's laughter died down. "We moved out of her parents' house. I got an incredible job. We moved into a beautiful apartment. I've spent almost eight months as her husband, and I've never been happier. God has given me so much over the past couple of years." He finally pulled Laura up to stand beside him. "He's given me her, and I fully realize how lucky I am to have been blessed with this woman. I don't know what I did, but I must've done something right to receive all these gifts from Jesus," he said, staring deeply into her eyes.

Laura stroked his cheek gently.

"I just hope I can continue to do right by her, and right by the Lord so that I can keep receiving these blessings." He turned back to the congregation. "Merry Christmas, everybody!" he chirped, finally sitting down.

Laura grabbed his cheeks once they were seated next to each other again and pulled him in for a deep, deep kiss, one that probably should've been avoided in church. Eventually, Estelle slapped Laura's thigh, and she pulled away to find Carl and Harriette glaring at them. Steve looked away bashfully and wrapped an innocent arm around Laura.

Then OGD stood to speak. "Merry Christmas, everybody."

"Merry Christmas," they replied.

"My name is Orig,.." He stopped himself. "My name's Cornelius Urkel, but you can call me OGD. I'm Steve's cousin from Detroit. I don't do this kinda thing usually. Don't really like church or talkin' to a room full of judgy people, but… My grandma loved church. She raised me after my mama left, and she used to drag me the ten blocks to church every Sunday. I stopped goin' with her when I was about 15. I started goin' again with her when she got sick. She went every week no matter how bad she was feelin'. She always said it made her feel better. She died recently. I thought goin' to church today would make sad, but I came cuz some really cool people wanted me to come with them, and I'm glad I did. I feel closer to her, so... thanks. Merry Christmas," he finished, sitting down again. As he did, Estelle reached over Fletcher and grabbed his hand.


	41. Chapter41

"3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!" everyone at the Sizzle Club cheered. Steve gabbed Laura and quickly dipped her into a passionate New Year's kiss. "I didn't get to do that last year," he whispered as he released her.

"Happy New Year, Baby," she purred.

"Happy New Year, my sweet. I'm gonna make this your best millenium yet," he promised.

"You better," she insisted, kissing him again. Eventually, she pulled away and turned to find OGD. He was back at their table. She knew how bad it felt to be at a party like this and not to have anyone to kiss at midnight. She walked over to him, grabbing Max from Eddie on her way by. They leaned into either side of him and kissed each cheek as the boys came up behind them. "Happy New Year, Cornelius," Laura said, sitting beside him again.

He smiled at her. "Thanks. Happy New Yew Year, guys."

"So," Eddie began, "what are everyone's resolutions for the year 2000?"

"I am going to gossip less at the salon," Max volunteered immediately.

Laura laughed, snorting slightly in disbelief. "Yeah, right!"

Max glared at her and slapped her arm. "Girl, it's a resolution! Nobody actually does these things!"

Laura laughed and shook her head. "Well, I am going to focus a little more on enjoying my senior year of undergrad and a little less on being perfect."

Max guffawed loudly. "Like I said, nobody actually does these things!"

Laura rolled her eyes and looked at Steve. "What about you, Baby?"

"Well," Steve thought. "Let's see. I have a good job, a nice apartment, good prospects for my next steps in education, and of course, the perfect wife." He leaned in and kissed Laura's cheek.

"And you modest, too," OGD joked.

Laura slapped his arm gently as they all chuckled.

"So, there's really only one thing that I want," he said softly, turning to look at Laura seriously.

Laura's face fell. "Steve," she began in surprise, "we've talked about this. We've talked this to death."

"No, I know," he said quickly. "My resolution isn't that. My resolution is that I wanna get better at saving our money. You know I love to spoil you, but even with a good job, if we're gonna have everything we wanna have… someday, we need to have a solid nest egg. You're so good with our finances, and I want to be, too."

Before Laura could reply, Eddie did. "Wow, you two are boring!"

Laura glared at him. "Eddie!" she scolded.

"Nah, he's right," OGD agreed. "That was a terrible resolution."

"Hey," Steve complained.

"No, it wasn't," Laura insisted, turning back to Steve. "It was a wonderful resolution. It's mature and responsible, and that is sooo sexy," she purred.

Steve giggled and leaned closer to her. "Yeah?"

Laura nodded, biting her lip, as Max laughed. "Laura, girl, he basically just said he was gonna stop buying you presents."

Laura grinned. "Yeah, he did, and I am so proud."

Steve looked away. "I just said I was gonna try."

"Mmm… And that makes me so happy," she cooed. "You're gonna transfer the money you don't spend on me into our savings account. You're gonna check all my catalogs for coupons before you buy me a gift for a major holiday. You're gonna help me balance our checkbook. You are so hot right now." Laura nibbled softly on his ear.

Steve giggled as he realized she was just a little tipsy if she was being that affectionate in public. He turned to her, having had a glass of champagne himself. "Oh, yeah? Just wait until we file our taxes jointly for the first time this year. That'll really… liquidate your assets," he teased, wiggling his eyebrows like a madman.

"Oooookay... Now you're somehow boring and gross," Eddie complained.

"Right?" Max agreed. "Like how did we ever question if these two nerds were made for each other?"

"I tried to tell ya!" Steve exclaimed.

"Maybe we can find an ATM vestibule to fool around in on the way home, Mr. Monopoly," Laura joked.

"A'ight," OGD said, "I'mma head back to the D. For real this time."

Everyone laughed until they realized he was serious.

"What?" Laura asked. "No. C'mon. You can't go back now. It's New Year's Eve!"

"Not anymore. It's New Year's Day now, and I really gotta get back. It's a new year. My resolution is to put my life back together and make my grandma proud. I gotta get to it."

"At least stay the night," Laura pressed. "You've been drinking."

"I'm just taking the bus. I'll be fine."

"Cornelius," Laura continued.

"Hey," he said seriously, "I got this, Laura. I'mma be ok. Promise."

"Well, let us drop you off at the bus station," Steve said, grabbing his coat.

"Nah, I'm good. I gotta run back to the Winslows' and grab my bag."

"So lemme take you there," Steve continued.

"No," OGD said firmly. "You guys have done enough. Thanks, man." He leaned in quickly and hugged Steve.

Steve gasped loudly and wrapped his arms tightly around his cousin's back. When OGD tried to pull away almost instantly, Steve wouldn't let go.

"Steve," OGD complained. He waited a moment, but when there was no response, he pushed Steve hard. "Yo, man, get offa me," he grumbled, straightening and smoothing his clothes as he freed himself. He turned to Laura. He leaned down and hugged her even faster. "Thanks, Laura." He waved at Eddie and Max And was out the door before anyone could really process it. He didn't like goodbyes.


	42. Chapter42

When Laura and Steve got home that night, or really that morning since it was so late, they were all over each other. As Steve closed the door, Laura was already unbuttoning his shirt. He locked the door behind them and firmly gripped her butt with both hands, lifting her into his arms. She squealed in delight as he began to carry her back to bed, but something under the tree caught his eyes, and he stopped. He set Laura down gently, but she refused to let go of him. "No, Baby, what are you doing? We were going to bed," she reminded him, unbuckling his pants and slipping a hand into his boxers in record time.

"Oh, whoa. Oh, God," Steve exclaimed, pulling away from her in surprise. "Sweet Pea, we're still going to bed, I promise, but there are presents under the tree. We put all of our presents away days ago."

Laura finally looked under the tree. "Huh. That's weird," she said, not really caring much at all.

Steve buckled his belt again and kneeled beside the tree. He picked up one of the bags and read the tag. "To: Steve. From: Santa." He turned back to Laura. "Did you do this?"

"No," she replied, giving into the fact that he wasn't going to have sex with her until this mystery was solved.

He gasped loudly. "That means it's really from Santa!" he exclaimed.

"Does it?" Laura asked as he began to tear into the bag.

"He hasn't gotten me anything in years, and it's weird it's so late, but-" Steve stopped suddenly as he pulled a black bustier, panty, and garter set.

Laura gasped loudly. "That pervert!"

Steve looked at her in surprise. "Laura, don't call Santa a pervert! He can hear you," Steve whispered.

Laura rolled her eyes. "OGD left these presents. He tried to get me to buy that for you for Christmas."

"Oh. Ew," Steve replied, disappointed it wasn't from Santa and even more disappointed Laura probably wouldn't wear it for him now, not that he'd ever tell her that.

She took the bustier out of his hands and shoved it back into the bag. "Who's the other present for?"

Steve grabbed the other bag. "To: My favorite cousin and his wife. That's sweet. It's weird after opening the last one, but it's sweet. From: Cornelius." Steve stuck his hand in the bag and picked up two envelopes. He read the note aloud written on the first one. "Steve, will you give this to Myrtle when she gets back from Eric's mom's? Didn't feel good bout leaving the money I owe her just under the door." Steve nodded and set that aside. "He owes me money, too, but ok." He opened the second envelope and pulled out a post-it note and a much smaller amount of cash than what Myrtle's hefty envelope obviously contained. "25 bucks. Nice," Steve said dryly.

"What does the note say?" Laura pressed.

Steve pulled the note off the cash and read it aloud. "For a trip to the DIA."

"Aw," Laura cooed immediately. "That's sweet."

"Yeah," Steve nodded, a little embarrassed to have reacted so negatively. "It really is. We'll have to go up and see him soon."

"Definitely," Laura agreed. She stood quickly and grabbed the first bag with the lingerie in it. "But right now, I'm gonna go try on your present from Santa."

"You are?" he exclaimed. "I thought you said it was perverted."

Laura grinned at him. "It's perverted to buy your cousin's wife lingerie. Doesn't mean I'm gonna let an incredibly sexy outfit go to waste."

Steve watched intently as she walked away. "Can I come?!" he squeaked just before she closed the bedroom door.

"Duh!"


End file.
